


Open Ice

by frogy



Category: Straight Shooter - Heidi Belleau
Genre: Age Difference, BDSM, Derogatory Language, Hockey, Humiliation, M/M, Multi, Open Relationships, Relationship Negotiation, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 17:24:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5464775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frogy/pseuds/frogy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“They’re not offering NHL right away, but they said there’s definitely a spot for me on the Thunder,” Austin tells the Davie Street beer league team at their weekly Thursday night pre-game dinner. </p><p>“Congratulations,” Andy, sitting across from him, says.</p><p>“That’s awesome,” Mike says.</p><p>“You’re going to be playing for the enemy,” John says, faux-scandalized.</p><p>“I’ll maybe be playing for their AHL team,” Austin says. “Or their ECHL team. And if I’m playing for them, you can’t call them the enemy anymore.”</p><p>———</p><p>In which Liam and Austin explore an open relationship in preparation of Austin moving away to play professional minor league hockey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Open Ice

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Roga](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roga/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide, Roga!
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who helped me with this in any capacity, from the friends who, on Halloween when I said I wasn't sure I could manage porn for this told me I could definitely write porn (there is so much sex in this omg), to the beta who had to point out multiple times that if Austin is gagged he can't use his safeword.
> 
> I never understood before how the Yuletide deadline could be a problem. Just start in advance and write the story you've committed to write. Then I accidentally wrote 24,000 words this year, and I totally understand how the deadline can be a problem. Any remaining issues in this fic are an oversight on my part or are due to running out of time.

Coach pulls Austin aside after practice Monday morning. 

Austin has no idea what it could be about. They were on the road the past weekend, and despite the loss, he played well, one goal and one assist. 

He doesn’t necessarily want to be in the locker room with the team, but this feels an awful lot like getting in trouble. There’s no way to ask though. If it’s something that Coach doesn’t want to say in front of anyone else, he’s just not going to say it. So as they come off the ice, Austin follows Coach down the hall to his office.

Austin’s not going to lunch with the team, and he’s not in a rush to get to class. Maybe if this takes long enough the locker room will be empty by the time he’s done. Everything is coming up Austin.

When they enter the office, Coach says, “take a seat,” and closes the door behind them. He sits in his chair behind the desk, and Austin sits down in one of the visitor seats. “You’ve been doing good out there on the ice.”

Austin is suspicious of what sounds like a compliment. “Okay.”

“I know this season has been hard for you, but you haven’t been letting it get to your play.”

“Okay,” Austin says again. He’s still not sure where this is going. This is the closest anyone from the staff has come to mentioning the way the team has frozen Austin out since they found out he has a boyfriend. He knows that Coach told Warren they couldn’t kick him off the team for being gay, but Austin’s never been sure if that’s a show of support from Coach or just a recitation of fact. And it seems weird to bring it up now.

Now that Austin’s place on the team has no off-ice component, Austin has doubled down on his training, on his play, and it’s paying off. No one likes him, but they’re not willing to get rid of the best player on their team when he’s getting progressively better.

“People are taking notice,” Coach says.

“Thank you,” Austin tries, still not sure where the conversation is going.

“I got a call this morning from CSEC asking about you.”

It takes Austin a moment to parse that. Like “the Calgary Flames, like, the NHL team?”

“I wouldn’t get that far ahead of yourself,” Coach says, cracking half a smile. “But they were asking if you’re the type of player who would be willing to put in the work at the AHL or ECHL level.”

“Yes, obviously, yes,” Austin says, cutting him off.

“I know,” Coach says. Austin is tempted to upgrade his assessment of Coach’s facial expression to a full smile. It’s kind of horrifying. “I told them you’re not afraid of some hard work. I gave him your number, so you shouldn’t be surprised if you get a call from them.”

“Thank you, so much. Thank you,” Austin says, genuine this time, his own, probably slightly deranged, smile taking over his face.

“Well, that was it,” Coach says. “You can head out when you’re ready.” Coach turns to his laptop, clearly dismissing him. Austin tries to school his expression into something neutral before he gets up. He’s probably not very successful, but when he gets back to the locker room it doesn’t matter. It’s empty anyway. Everything is coming up Austin.

He can’t wait to tell Liam.

———

Austin is supposed to be in class when he sticks his head into Liam’s office at Mischievous Pictures one lunchtime with takeout. What’s the point of being a second semester senior if not to take easy electives in large, easily skippable lectures? It’s not like he could concentrate today anyway. He has News, with a capital N.

Liam waves him in, but isn’t as sold by that argument. “I thought the point was to take classes you’re actually interested in. And don’t even lie, I’ve caught you doing the supplemental reading,” he says as they dig into the Thai food that Austin’s brought. Liam gives him a searching look. “What’s up?”

“I can’t just want to see you?” Austin asks, but he’s fooling no one. He’s been grinning like a loon all morning, and he’s bouncing in his seat, too excited to keep it all in.

“You are vibrating with happiness. So tell me whatever it is, kid, so I can decide how we’re celebrating.”

Austin swallows hard. He doesn’t need a bribe to share good news, but that sort of promise doesn’t hurt.

“You know how there were scouts at Saturday’s game, for Tremblay?” Liam nods. Tremblay is the 18-year-old superstar who’s going to be at the top of this year’s draft class. Until he gets there, he’s helping Montana destroy everyone else in the Great Northwest Athletic Conference. Case in point, Saturday’s 4-2 loss. “One of them asked Coach about me. He pulled me aside after practice to tell me to expect a call from them.”

“Austin, that’s great,” Liam says. “Congratulations.”

“I know, right. Like, me, playing real professional hockey. I’m trying not to get ahead of myself, but,” Austin trails off, shrugging. He’s getting ahead of himself. After all the shit he’s put up with from the SFU team, he deserves a little hockey-related happiness. “So, what’s my reward?”

Liam pauses. “If you told me you were coming I could have planned something,” he says, but then his eyes light up. “West studio,” he says, getting up. And then, “come on,” when Austin isn’t fast enough to follow.

Liam leads them down the hall into a room that Austin hasn’t been to before. The room itself is much like the other studio rooms he’s been in, another industrial space, high ceilings, exposed brick and pipes, various pieces of unused porn sets crowded along the walls, all of which he unconsciously takes note of. Because all of his conscious attention is taken up by what’s in the center of the room: a long bench with a row of dildos standing up from it, increasing in size as they go. While Austin is taking it all in, Liam’s pulled an abandoned armchair around to the other side and left a bottle of lube on the bench, at the end by the smallest dildo.

Liam’s back in front of Austin now. He cups his hand around the back of Austin’s head, pulling Austin’s attention away from the equipment and back to Liam. “It’s time to warm up for the big game.”

“Okay,” Austin says swallowing hard.

“That’s not the can-do attitude I expect from my team,” Liam says, squeezing his hand at the back of Austin’s neck.

“Yes,” Austin, more confident. Because he can do whatever Liam asks of him, can be whoever Liam wants him to be.

“Yes what?”

“Yes,” and Austin thinks he knows the right answer here, “Coach.”

“That’s what I’m talking about. Now strip and give me ten squats on each of them.” And Liam steps away. Austin waits until Liam’s seated, eyes back on him before he toes off his shoes, pulls off his shirt, only breaking eye contact when the fabric’s in the way. Liam’s left the overhead lights off, the room lit only by the daylight from the industrial windows far overhead, making everything in the background recede into shadows, leaving nothing but Liam’s heavy gaze and the row of dicks waiting for him. Austin unbuttons his pants, lets them drop, and steps out of them. He’s wearing a jock-strap underneath, his cock in its cage underneath that. He moves his hands to the side straps of his jock and Liam says, “Leave it. You can’t play without your jock.” So Austin pulls his hands away, and steps towards the bench.

The smallest plug is barely more than a finger size, and he wastes no time slicking it up, straddling the bench and sinking down. It’s a little disappointing and just plain little after the lead up. Looking at them from this angle, they don’t seem big until maybe the second to largest, which looks about the size of Liam’s fist. Liam’s been training Austin’s ass and Austin’s used to starting with something larger. This is going to be easy. He stands up, ready to go down again, when Liam says “count.”

“Two, three, four,” Austin starts a quick pace, ready to hurry up and get to the next one, get to something that feels substantial.

“Slower,” Liam interrupts. “I want to see proper form.”

“Yes Coach,” Austin acknowledges the order, slowing down immediately with “five,” pause, “six.”

With the plug not doing much, he takes Liam’s directions to heart, focusing on his form, on the muscles in his thighs and core contracting and expanding as he moves steadily up and down and up again. And before he knows it he’s moving on to the next one. It’s better, more to sit on, draws more attention to his ass, makes him notice his glutes working. Liam’s started up a string of encouragements, “good job,” and “that’s it, kiddo,” and “just like that,” that join his counting as something to focus on as he moves on from one dildo to the next.

Somewhere between one count and the next Austin realizes he’s sweating. It’s always warm here, to make it more comfortable to be naked, but it’s more than that. It’s the workout, the squats, the way his muscles engage on each movement. Until suddenly, it’s not.

The size increase in the dildos has been so slow and steady, they snuck up on him. This one may not be any larger than Liam’s fist, which Austin has taken with great enthusiasm. But flesh yields, Liam’s hand a skilled weapon of pleasure. There’s no give here, just blunt force pressing into him. His dick is chubbing up, pressing against the confines of its cage, trying to get hard from the pressure against his prostate, no finesse needed to get him there. Every time he stands up off the dildo his hole gapes with nothing to clench down on, but when he sinks down again it’s a shock all over again at how big it is. He has no choice but to go slowly now, letting himself adjust each time, and his thighs are shaking with the effort of it.

He gets up off of the penultimate dildo, ready to take the biggest challenge, and blinks. Liam is standing there in front of him at the end of the bench. Austin didn’t notice him move. “Let me spot you,” Liam says, holding out his hands. And Austin takes them, squeezing in effort as he takes the largest one for the first time. Austin’s stopped counting, but it’s okay because Liam’s picked it up, “good job, just nine more, you can do it, eight, you’re doing so good, seven.” Austin bites his lip, clenches his jaw, it’s too much, even as he puts more and more of his weight on Liam. Even when there’s just two more it feels insurmountable, and finally it’s one, and then it’s done, and Austin slumps down where he’s sitting, muscles going lax. It’s a mistake: the dildo seems even bigger now that he's not holding himself up, now that he’s settled fully on it, but he’s not sure he can get up. But then Liam’s there, brushing his sweaty bangs off his forehead, pushing his hair off the back of his neck, ducking down under Austin’s arm and lifting him up from the bench.

Liam walks the two of them over to his chair, and pulls Austin on to his lap. Austin buries his head in Liam’s shoulder, taking big shuddering breaths, as Liam rubs his hands up and down Austin’s back, murmuring words of encouragement. “How are you?” Liam asks, and the first thing that comes to Austin is, “empty.”

“Shhh,” Liam says, sliding Austin to the side and moving out from under him. Liam works Austin’s jock off, and already has the key out to unlock Austin’s cage by the time Liam gets to his knees in front of him.

He removes it and runs his fingers gently over Austin’s cock, examining the places it was pressed against the hard plastic. It’s not anything overwhelming on its own but he doesn’t need anything else to get desperately hard at this point. “Come on,” Austin slurs, knocking his knee into where Liam’s kneeling.

“Okay, okay,” Liam says, getting up and stripping off his clothes. He nudges Austin over and squishes back in the chair next to him. “You think you can get up on your knees and straddle me?” he asks.

It’s an effort but Austin manages it. He’s not going to be able to ride Liam, but he can kneel over him, sinking forward so he’s held up against Liam’s chest. Liam must have brought the lube with them, because his fingers are wet when they push into Austin’s ass with no resistance. “You’re so loose,” Liam says. “Your pussy’s so ready to take me.”

Austin doesn’t deny it, lets himself be moved like a rag doll as Liam lowers Austin on to his dick. Liam grinds up into him, and Austin groans. Liam’s so good, so right in him, and Liam must agree, bringing his hand to feel where he’s moving in and out of Austin. “God, you’re so loose you could take more, couldn’t you?”

Austin’s moan isn’t really an answer, but Liam doesn’t need, one, shifting so he can slide one of his fingers into Austin’s ass, along with his dick. And Liam’s still talking. “You’re so good. Bet you could take a whole ‘nother dick. Another guy kneeling up behind you and pushing in next to me. You’d take it so well,” Liam says, pushing in a second finger alongside his cock. Austin feels so full. It’s incredible. “I’d call the shots while we’d double-team you, and you’d just take it and take it.” Austin already feels like he’s doing that, taking everything that Liam’s giving him.

He could take two cocks up his dripping cunt for Liam.

Liam squeezes his free hand between them and starts jerking Austin off. “Come whenever you’re ready,” Liam tells him. “You’ve earned it.”

And it’s all too much. Liam’s hands and his cock grind up into him, and in no time at all, he’s doing that, coming between them. Liam pulls his hand away from Austin’s dick, slips his fingers out of his ass, and holds him as Austin shudders through it. “I’m going to,” Liam says and then punctuates what he’s going to do by thrusting up into Austin’s spent body.

“Yes, please,” Austin says. And Liam does, again and again until he comes too.

They sit curled on the chair until Austin starts shivering, and then Liam shifts Austin over so he’s sitting again.

“You okay kid?” Liam asks, rubbing his hands up and down Austin’s arms.

“Yeah,” Austin says.

“You going to be okay if I go get us some towels and water and leftover lunch?” Liam asks.

“Yeah,” Austin repeats. “Promise,” and it comes out raspy.

“I’ll be right back,” Liam says, leveraging himself out of the chair. “Congratulations again,” Liam says, leaning over to press a quick kiss against Austin’s forehead. “You can do anything you set your mind to.”

“I never could have done any of it without you, you know?”

“Nope, it was all you.” Liam says. “You’re stronger than you know.” Austin wants to argue that, and starts to try to pull together the energy to do so. But before he can say anything Liam shushes him, and Austin goes with it. He can always argue it later.

———

Austin stops by the liquor store on the way back to the house he shares with Christian, Bobby, and Max. He picks out some top shelf liquor. They are celebrating in style tonight. But first, he fishes his phone out of his pocket with the hand he’s not using to hold his purchases and calls home.

“Hi Austin,” his mom says, when she picks up.

“Hey mom, guess what happened.” Austin has no chill about this.

“Um, hi, how are you, good, how are you? Oh you have exciting news, what is it?”

“Yes, yes,” he waves her off. “There was a scout asking about me at last week’s game. Coach said I should expect a call from someone from CSEC management this week.”

“Oh my god,” his mom says. “Really? That is so exciting. Congratulations. Larry,” Austin’s step-dad, “is going to be so excited.”

“I know, he roots for the enemy. But like, I can’t even care. I’m going to be a professional hockey player,” Austin says.

“Oh god, have you told anyone else yet? What are you going to do when they call? Do you need an agent? Or like, a lawyer?”

“I’m going to talk to whoever calls?” Austin isn’t really sure about any sort of legal details, but that seems like the right first step. “And I’ll figure it out from there. I’m on my way back from telling Liam.”

“Liam is that man you’re seeing?” Austin hates the way his mom says that. She’s refrained from voicing any outright disapproval, but with that tone of voice she really doesn’t need to. It comes through loud and clear. “And he was happy for you?”

“Of course.” Austin stands up straighter, clenches his muscles as he walks so he can feel the ache of how excited Liam was for him. Then he slumps back down again, face heating in embarrassment. He’s on the phone with his mom, for fucks sake. And she’s speaking again.

“It’s just that you’re going to be moving far away for this, right? Where are their teams?”

“The Stockton Heat, their AHL team, is in California, and the Adirondack Thunder, their ECHL team, is in Glens Falls New York.” The first thing Austin did after talking to Coach was google them. Neither of those is close to Vancouver.

“So he wasn’t upset that you’ll be leaving him?”

“I’m not leaving him,” Austin says. “I’m going to play hockey.”

“Okay,” she says, conciliatory, moving the conversation on to all the other things about Austin’s hockey future.

Austin isn’t leaving Liam. He can’t. It will be okay. It has to be. This is hockey.

———

All the celebrations weren’t premature. Austin fields a call from the GM for the Adirondack Thunder later that week, and “they’re not offering NHL right away, but they said there’s definitely a spot for me on the Thunder, you know, ECHL, and that I should come to training camp for the Heat, see how I do,” Austin tells the Davie Street beer league team at their weekly Thursday night pre-game dinner. Austin played with them a few times over winter break, and it was a lot of fun, but tonight he’s here on a strictly cheerleading basis.

“Congratulations,” Andy, sitting across from him, says.

“That’s awesome,” Mike says.

“You’re going to be playing for the enemy,” John says, faux scandalized.

“I’ll maybe be playing for their AHL team,” Austin says. “And if I’m playing for them, you can’t call them the enemy anymore.”

He was never the biggest fan of hanging out with the SFU team before, when he was too busy punishing himself, so worried that any second someone would learn his secret. But he guesses he showed up more than he realized because when he stopped, he suddenly found himself with a ton of time on his hands. He’s been putting that free time (and even some that wasn’t free) into extra hours at the store to pay for extra training outside of the team. It’s working. He feels faster on the ice, and stronger, and now that he knows what it feels like to constantly ache in a good way, muscles well worked over, he can’t believe he lasted that long under his punishment regime. But hanging out with Liam’s team, even when playing with them doesn’t fit into his training regime, is great.

“If they’re playing the Canucks, they’re always going to be the enemy,” John says. “But I could maybe learn to root for them against anyone else.”

“Little Austin, living the dream,” Dave says.

“Fuck you, I’m taller than you,” Austin says, more playful than anything else. Liam’s team never got around to settling on a real nickname for him, instead picking up Liam’s habit of using infantile epitaphs for him. They all know he and Liam are together. He’s not sure how much else they know about what they do together. Austin assumes that they assume he’s subbing for Liam, but no one’s ever said anything about it when he’s around.

It doesn’t really matter. Whatever they figure, they don’t treat him any differently.

After dinner, they carpool over to the rink. Austin waves goodbye to the team and finds a seat in the stands. He brought reading to do for classes, since suddenly graduating on-time matters. He needs to be free this summer to train, to go to training camp, he can’t be retaking anything in summer school. He’s not a terrible student, but he’s not a great one either, never having bothered to put in the effort before.

He puts his books away when the team skates out for warm-up, and then the game. They’re playing against some financial district guys on a corporate company team. Liam scores twice, once in the dying minutes of the first, on a breakaway, a real beauty of a goal, the second time in the third off a rebound from Loren’s shot.

The adrenaline of the game and thrill of watching Liam score on the ice has Austin keyed up, ready to score off of it.

After the game, Austin meets the team as they come out of the locker room. Everyone’s excited by the big win, planning for drinks to celebrate. Dave and John stop to badger Austin into coming to the bar with them. Austin laughs and congratulates them, being intentionally noncommittal about drinks. He’ll go if Liam wants to, but that’s not the celebration he’s hoping for.

When Liam finally comes out, he grabs Austin, backing him up against the wall and kisses him. It’s a big, showy kiss, no subtlety and lots of tongue, Liam as worked up as Austin is. One of Liam’s teammates lets out a wolf-whistle and Liam takes one hand off of where it’s wrapped around Austin’s waist to give whoever it was the middle finger.

Making out like this is more effective than any excuses to wave off going to drinks with the rest of the team. When everyone else has taken off, Liam pulls away from Austin’s mouth, to lean in and whisper hot into Austin’s ear, “no need to go out, I’ve got my puck bunny right here.”

“Yeah,” Austin says, thready and so ready to go. He slouches down against the wall, spreading his legs so Liam can crowd in closer against him.

“Such a puck slut,” Liam says fondly. “I bet you’re dripping for it.”

“After a goal like the one in the first, fuck yes.” Austin knows he’s red as anything, but he doesn’t want to play coy, no matter how embarrassed he is. “Please, take me home and fuck me.”

Liam does, stepping back and dragging Austin by his hand to his car.

They get right back to it at Liam’s apartment, Liam crowding Austin back against the door as soon as they've entered, kissing him. "You're wearing too many clothes," Liam tells Austin. "Take them off."

Austin tries, but Liam isn't giving him any room to work with, kisses distracting him.

"Come on," Liam goads when Austin isn't moving fast enough. "I see why cheerleaders wear those little skirts now." Liam slips his hand down the back of Austin's jeans to grope at his ass. "Easy access. I should put you in one.”

"No," Austin protests, but there's no room to squirm away, his efforts only leading to him rubbing more firmly up against Liam, no question about how desperately hard his dick is, how much Liam's words are turning him on.

"I could flip it up and take you, no prep, no waiting. Everyone would look at you in the stands and know that’s what you’re there for,” Liam continues to tease. “Those long, bare legs such a tease. You’d have to shave first.” Liam punctuates this by tugging on the sparse hair covering Austin’s ass. “They’d all want to fuck you,” Liam says. “But only I get to.” He steps back. Austin's hips jerk up into the empty space between them and he groans in frustration now that Liam's not there to grind against.

Liam is done waiting for Austin to get himself out of his clothes. He strips Austin with rough efficiency, manhandling him away from the door and bending him over the back of the couch.

Liam is quick with the prep, more getting Austin as wet as he was teasing Austin for being, than taking the time to stretch him open. It makes Liam feel overwhelmingly huge entering him, even taking into account how overwhelmingly huge Liam actually is.

It’s brutal, fast and hard, Liam taking what he wants, Austin along for the ride. Liam digs his fingers into Austin’s hips, tells Austin how good a slut he’s being for Liam, how good his pussy is taking him. “If you want to come, it has to be on my dick,” Liam says, and Austin groans.

He’s hard and desperate and not sure he can. Liam is nailing him just right, the unyielding metal of Liam’s piercing rubbing against his prostate on each thrust, and he knows he’d be off like a light with the smallest touch to his dick but Liam said no. He wants an orgasm, but it’s a different type of pressure building in him, making him tense and shaking with the effort.

Liam shushes him, moving his hands from Austin’s hips up his sides, folding over on top of Austin, pressing his hard chest along Austin’s back. It changes the angle of things and Austin can’t hold off anymore. It’s not the orgasm he wants, but it’s what he’s getting, his cum dribbling out of him in a full body exhale, milked out of him by Liam’s dick.

“That’s a good little fag,” Liam says, as Austin melts under him, tension dissolving. Liam continues to fuck into him fast and desperate. Austin floats, free from the wants of his own body, finally able to be what Liam wants from him, a hole, a pussy, a fag to be fucked. And it’s not long after that that Liam is coming, emptying his load into Austin’s ass, where it belongs.

Liam stays there for a few minutes, catching his breath. Austin whines when Liam pulls out. There’s cum dripping out his hole and without Liam holding him there, Austin feels shaky and unsteady where he’s balanced over the back of the couch.

Liam wraps his arm around Austin and helps lower him to the floor. “You okay?”

It takes Austin a moment to gather his words. “Yeah.”

“I’m going to get towels.” Austin lists over, leaning against Liam’s legs. “Are you okay to sit here?”

It’s kind of cold on the floor. And hard. “There’s a couch right here,” Austin says.

“I know,” Liam says, ruffling Austin’s hair. “You’re kind of dripping everywhere. We can move there once I get towels.”

“Oh.” That makes sense. “Okay. Come back soon,” Austin says.

“”I will. I’ll take care of you. Promise.”

———

Austin’s year is avalanching, picking up speed as it rolls downhill. Austin redoubles his commitment to training and school. An invite to training camp is his way in, and he has to be ready to impress them.

Midterms hit in the middle of three weekends of away games in a row and that’s the last time he gets to see Liam for a while.

At least Austin has plenty of time to do work on the bus, since no one’s talking to him. After a win or a particularly good game on his part, some of the guys will make half-hearted attempts to include him in things. But when they lose, they turn on him just as quickly. He’s an easy scapegoat and he never trusts their friendliness.

He writes his papers on the bus on his laptop. But, Friday night and Saturday night games mean hotel room nights where he can’t quite trust whatever roommate he has enough to relax, each time waking up more tense than the night before, and then finally home to his own bed on Sunday.

Before they leave for the first weekend’s trip Coach pulls him aside and says that since an odd number of people are going on the trip, Austin will be rooming with Johnson, the equipment guy and one of the chaperones on the trip. After the game, he texts with Liam. Austin doesn’t want to talk on the phone where anyone from the team might hear him and use it against him. It’s the first road trip Austin can ever remember getting a good night’s sleep on.

Austin is beginning to suspect that Coach is secretly on his side. Or on the side of good hockey, which is enough for Austin. Coach hasn’t said anything to the rest of the team about what they’re doing to Austin. Coach expects them to be adults and take care of that shit on their own. And Austin hasn’t asked him to say anything because he wouldn’t want him to. Even in midgets everyone knows that tattling to the teacher only leads to more ridicule and hatred. Plus, Austin’s only pretty sure Coach would support him. And if he’s wrong, he doesn’t want to know.

Austin isn’t as lucky with his roommate situation the next weekend. And when he gets back Sunday night, he’s wiped. He falls asleep before he gets a chance to talk to Liam.

He’ll see Liam later that week. There’s an end in sight now that Austin has a goal to work towards. He just has to make it through. Things have to get better. He can’t even think they might not.

———

Austin’s on his way out of another SFU practice in which the team only talks to him when there’s an opportunity to be hostile, when he gets a text from Liam. Liam is stuck at work, can they push off their plans? It says Austin’s still welcome come over to watch the game later. Austin’s not sure what sort of porn emergency Liam can possibly be dealing with, but he texts back an okay.

Austin has been looking forward to playing with Liam tonight, so this sucks. On the other hand, it’s now the point of the semester when Austin always has some sort of schoolwork he should be doing, so he bypasses the bus stop he’d take to get to Liam’s and heads back to his apartment.

A few hours of homework later, Austin is finally on his way to Liam’s. He picks up food on his way over. Liam buzzes him up to the apartment and meets him at the door. Liam’s wearing sweats and a t-shirt and glasses that Austin’s never seen on him before. “I brought food,” Austin says holding out the bag.

“You’re the best,” Liam says. At least Austin can always count on Liam being unduly impressed by take-out.

“Thanks,” Austin says, blushing, and hands over the bag. It might be the most stereotypical thing about him— the way to Liam’s heart is definitely through his stomach. But Austin always wants to impress Liam, so it’s nice to have one thing that Austin is always going to get right.

“There’s beer in the fridge if you want,” Liam says.

“Sure, do you want me to get you one?” Austin says, heading to the kitchen.

“Yes, thanks,” Liam says. “Can you grab plates and stuff too?”

Austin does as asked. When he gets back to the living room, Liam’s entrenched in the corner of the couch, laptop on his lap and papers spread on every surface within arms reach. Austin finds a coaster and a few square inches of space to put Liam’s beer down on. “What are you even doing?” he asks while going to dish out the food.

“Rectifying the Mischievous Pictures expenses. It’s tax season,” Liam says.

“Well, that sounds terrible.”

“It is. And here you thought my job was all fun and games.”

“So it’s fun and games and taxes?” Austin asks handing over a plate. He never really thought of Liam’s job as a business. Sometimes Liam makes Austin feel inexperienced outside the bedroom too.

But Liam doesn’t notice. “Exactly,” he says smiling like Austin’s in on the joke. “Thanks kid.”

That’s a dismissal, so Austin sits down at the other end of the couch and turns the hockey game on. Dinner is good and they bullshit about the game, mindless comments that Liam can make while still doing work stuff on his computer.

The first period comes and goes. During the break Austin rinses the dishes and sticks them in the dishwasher, and grabs another beer for each of them. When he gets back, Liam looks no closer to done.

This time, Austin sits lengthwise on the couch, carefully picking up the papers sitting next to Liam and putting them back down over his stretched out legs. “This okay?” he asks, poking Liam’s thigh with his toes to get his attention.

Liam puts his hand on Austin’s feet to hold him still, which was what Austin was going for, then he looks over the papers balanced on Austin’s legs, which was not. “Yeah, I’ve still got everything.” 

The next period starts, and Austin finds it harder to concentrate on the game. Liam’s more or less ignoring him. It’s getting to Austin. He believes Liam when he says he has work to do. Liam’s the most forthright person Austin knows. But that doesn’t change the way Austin feels, and it feels like he’s being ignored. He can’t help his fidgeting. Liam puts his hands on Austin’s feet to hold him still, and at least that’s being acknowledged.

But as soon as Austin stills, Liam takes his hands away, back to work, and it’s not long before Austin is fidgeting again, and the whole second period is a cycle of Austin fidgeting until Liam makes him stop. By the time the period is over, Austin’s had enough of it, and kicks his legs out, disturbing Liam’s papers.

“If you can’t hold still, I can’t use your legs as a table.”

“Being a table was more fun than this,” Austin mutters, not trying to hide how annoyed he is.

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re ignoring me,” Austin complains. That’s the most immediate issue anyway. The one that Liam can do something about.

“I’m doing work.”

“I thought we were going to play.”

“I’m sorry, but I really have to get this done. I’d much rather not be doing this.”

“So then don’t do it.”

“It doesn’t work like this.”

“Fine,” Austin huffs, pulling his feet away entirely sitting up so he’s as far away from Liam as he can get on the couch.

“Would you rather have not come over at all?” Liam asks.

“No,” Austin says automatically. He doesn’t even need to think about it. He’d always rather be with Liam. He’d been looking forward to their plans all week. He can’t take Liam ignoring him too.“That’s not funny.”

“Well, I feel the same way,” Liam says. “I want you here with me, even if it’s just to watch a game.”

But Liam’s words barely register to Austin, who’s gotten lost in his own head. Liam is what gets him through all the other crap in his life.

He’s not sure if the way his team is ghosting him is better or worse than the constant fear he was living in before. They’ve realized he’s their best player, and that winning is worth dealing with him on the ice. But he’s frozen out the second they’re off it. He’s not sure if this was a group decision, because no one will talk to him. His place on the team even more due to his on-ice skills than they ever were before.

Austin didn’t do anything to deserve that punishment. Why is Liam threatening him? It’s been too long since he’s been able to take a break from holding himself together, too long since he’s been able to let it go and put that responsibility firmly in Liam’s hands. It’s not fair. Liam can’t do this too. “I’m sorry. I’ll be better, just don’t make me leave.”

“Hey, no, what’s wrong?” Liam asks, finally putting aside his laptop and reaching out for Austin. “You need this?” He leans forward to pull the pillow out from behind Austin. He drops it to the floor in front of him in invitation.

Austin nods. Everything is better when he’s on his knees. Liam guides Austin forward with a hand on his shoulder.

Liam holds off on demanding answers, instead just runs his fingers through Austin’s hair, letting them snag in the curls and tug, and Austin sinks into the tiny pinpricks of pain. Liam pulls Austin’s head forward, pillowing his head on Liam’s hard thigh. Austin’s shoulders drop, relaxing into his place.

That must be Liam’s cue. “What’s wrong?”

“What am I going to do next year?” That’s the crux of it, isn’t it? The nagging fear that it will be all the same shit, just on the other side of the country where he has no one. His mom thrilled that their breakup seems like a foregone conclusion.

But Liam just asks, “What do you mean?”

“What am I going to do without you?”

“You don’t have to be without me.”

“I’m not that dumb. I’ll be a three-hour plane ride away, best case scenario. I might be in New York.” That’s practically 5,000 km away. He looked it up.

“You’re not dumb at all,” Liam says, still carding his fingers through Austin’s hair, calming him “Let’s talk this through.”

That’s Austin’s least favorite step. But Austin nods into Liam’s thigh.

“You’re going to be far away next year and you’re worried about it.”

“Yes,” Austin says.

“So what are your options?”

“I can not go. I can stay here with you.” It’s an option he can only admit on his knees, with his face hidden in Liam’s legs. Austin can imagine that life, moving in with Liam, picking up dinner for them, warming Liam’s bed, being good and having Liam take care of him.

“No.” Liam is quick to answer, practical violent in his refusal.

It pulls Austin out of his warm, safe fantasy. “You don’t want me?”

“Of course I want you to stay with me.” Liam scratches gently at Austin’s scalp. “But I also want you to go and kill it at hockey. I want you to live up to your potential. I don’t want to hold you back. I don’t want you to look back and resent me. So that’s not an option. Try again.”

“You’re supposed to be the one with all the answers,” Austin grumbles. If he knew what he wanted, he wouldn’t be in this position. The other option is like a ball of acid burning through his gut. “Do you want us to break up?”

“No,” Liam says. “I don’t want that either.”

“What’s left?” Either they are together or their not. That’s as far as Austin can see it.

“We can be long distance,” Liam says. “We wouldn’t be the first couple to live in different places.

Austin is quiet for a minute, thinking about what that would be like. A Liam who’s not there. A Liam who he can’t touch, who isn’t there to put him in his place. “I don’t know if I can do that. Sometimes I only make it through the week knowing I’ll be on my knees for you at the end of it.” He’s spent a long time waiting for things to get better, before realizing they’re not going to. Now he’s just waiting for it to be over, to never have to see another guy from SFU again. He’s ready to move on to the next, better thing.

But, “what if my new team is just as bad?” What if that’s just hockey? Here he goes home at the end of the day to his roommates. He has a job. He has Liam. God, he has Liam. Liam is the only reason he made it this long. Liam is the only reason he stuck it out with the team. How could he do it alone? “A phone call isn’t the same.”

Liam pauses, taking Austin's worry serioiusly. Eventually, he offers, “We could have an open relationship.” But the way his fingers clench in Austin’s hair say it’s not that simple. “You could be with other people.”

Austin’s never done this for anyone else, and he’s never seriously wanted to. He and Liam have exactly the relationship Austin wants. He’s not going to regret getting it right on the first try. But sometimes he wishes he had more experience so he wouldn’t feel so young and dumb at moments like this. He doesn’t even know if it’s even something he’d want. “You’d be okay with that?” Austin’s not sure how he feels, but he’s definitely not interested if Liam’s not.

“I’m with other people for work. This would be the same thing when you’re away.” Austin guesses that makes sense.

“Can we try it before I leave?” Austin asks.

“You subbing for someone else?”

“Maybe, like, as part of a threesome,” Austin says. “I know you think it would be hot to watch.” It’s something Liam’s mentioned before, in the middle of fucking Austin. Austin barely picks up half of what Liam’s saying when it’s happening, so consumed with the pounding Liam’s giving him to think about all the other ways he could be taking it. But that’s a favorite refrain, Liam passing Austin around, watching him take it.

Austin turns his face to rub his nose up the inseam of Liam’s pants. He doesn’t know how he could do it without Liam there, at least to start. But if Liam has confidence in him, Austin’s sure he can work up to it. “We can try it,” Liam agrees eventually, tightening his hand in Austin’s hair and holding him still. “You okay now that we have a plan?”

“I’m okay now that I’m here,” Austin says pulling against Liam’s hold to punctuate that he means here, on his knees.

“You can stay there if you’re going to be good,” Liam says.

“I will,” Austin promises. And he means it. But Liam must be skeptical, because he doesn’t leave Austin to it. Liam wraps his legs around Austin’s shoulders. Austin hunches under the weight, surrounded and trapped.

It smells like balls down there, and he wants to move forward to mouth at them, suck his dick. But it’s a familiar low-grade want, no more or less than any time he’s in a room with Liam, aware of him in a way he isn’t of anyone else, a plant turning towards sunlight or a compass pointing north. And he doesn’t deserve it now, hasn’t earned it. So he lets himself float in the silence. He’s not sure how long it is before he actually notices the silence.

It’s probably been a while based on the way his voice croaks when he says “hey.”

Liam moves his legs off of Austin’s shoulders to look down at him when he speaks.

Austin kneels up and rolls his shoulders, looking back up at Liam. “What happened to the game? What’s the score?”

“I muted it when we were talking, we’re losing,” Liam says, un-muting it since Austin asked. “Your shoulders okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good, thanks,” Austin says turning around to face the TV. He sits down cross-legged on the cushion, leaning back against the couch next to where Liam’s legs have resettled.

“Feeling better?” Liam asks. That was more of a break-down that Austin thought he was in for tonight. He hadn’t realized how nervous he was about everything, until it all came pouring out.

He feels better now, the tension gone, and a calm sense of being where he belongs left in its place. “Yeah,” he tells Liam. “I’m just going to stay down here, though.”

———

It’s Liam’s idea to take Austin out to a leather bar. The idea is a terrible one. That much is obvious to Austin from pretty much the moment they arrive. And now that they’re leaving, Austin makes it clear how terrible this plan was to Liam. He jams his hands pointedly in his pockets so Liam can’t take one, keeping a respectable distance, out of arm’s reach in general, as they head down the street. It was raining earlier, but it’s stopped now, leaving the asphalt shining in the reflection of the streetlights. Austin’s glad he doesn’t have to huddle under an umbrella with Liam. He’s mad.

“Okay, that could have gone better,” Liam says, breaking Austin’s silent treatment.

Austin snorts. “You think?” He’ll get over it, but right now he’s not in the mood to be generous.

“Can you just not be mad at me right now?” Liam tries, hurrying to keep up.

“No.” Austin keeps walking, speeding up so that Liam’s rushing to keep up. He doesn’t usually like being taller than Liam, but it’s proving it has its perks. “That’s not how this works.”

“I screwed up.”

“Yes,” Austin agrees. Liam is going to have to try harder than that.

“I’m trying to apologize.” Liam grabs at Austin’s arm to stop him.

Austin stops instinctually, no thought in it. “You haven’t yet,” Austin says, turning to look at Liam.

Liam let’s out a breath, deflating. “Sorry,” he says. “Do you want to get something to eat and talk about it?”

It’s not early, but it’s not nearly as late as Austin was planning to be out. And he could always eat. “Sure.”

Liam leads them to a nearby diner that Austin didn’t know was there. Austin’s getting more familiar with Davie Street now that he’s with Liam, but it’s nothing compared to Liam’s encyclopedic knowledge of the city.

They’re seated quickly at a booth and Austin takes in the place. It’s crowded enough that Austin is s not worried that everyone will be able to hear them but quiet enough they’ll be able to hear each other. The waitress is back a minute later with water and to take their order. 

Liam raises an eyebrow at Austin’s order of a milkshake and fries, but waits until the waitress is gone to say anything. ”I’m sorry,” he says again. 

"Okay." Austin shrugs, fidgeting with his straw and not meeting Liam's eyes. "You're, like, forgiven, or whatever.” He blows up, Liam is calm and rational, Austin gets over it. That’s their M.O. Austin wishes Liam would get with the program and stop making him talk about shit. Talking about it is always Austin’s least favorite part. 

Liam surprises Austin by asking, "What didn't you like about it?" 

Austin looks up at that. "It's not obvious?" 

"I have an idea,” Liam says, “but I want to hear it from you so I can do better next time." 

Austin is regretting that he agreed to go to a diner. He should have suggested going back to Liam’s. Talking is so much easier on his knees. Then again, in this mood, he would have put up a hell of a fight against going down. “There was a nonstop parade of guys hitting on my boyfriend while I was right there." 

“Sorry,” Liam repeats himself, “I should have expected it.” 

“We’ve gone out together before,” Austin says. “You don’t usually have guys throwing themselves at you like that.” 

“At that type of bar I am.” 

“Okay.” He never feels that way watching Liam’s porn. But in a non-work context he was jealous as hell. 

“Okay,” Liam echoes. “Do you still want to try subbing for someone else?” 

“Yeah, I’d still like to try,” Austin says, but he’s having second thoughts. Or hell, third thoughts at this point. He doesn’t want to think about it. He wants Liam to figure it out, solve the problem, take care of him like always. 

Austin’s train of thought is interrupted by the arrival of their food. Austin stuffs a fry in his mouth. They’re good. He wants to be done with this conversation so he can enjoy them. “Can’t you decide and plan it? Like you do with everything else?” Austin wants whatever Liam wants. 

“I could, but that’s not going to help when you move away,” Liam points out. 

“At least I’ll know if I even want to,” Austin says. Besides, “I’ve picked up before, before we were together.” He’s not that pathetic. “I’ll figure it out.” 

“Okay,” Liam says. “Is there something specific you want for this?” 

“To not be talking about it now,” Austin says. He knows that Liam is going to make him talk about it more, but he’s just not in the place for it now. 

As predicted, Liam just says “later?” 

“Yeah, later,” Austin agrees, so they drop the subject. 

When they’re done, and Liam is paying, he asks “Do you need to go back to your place tonight?” 

“No,” Austin says, knowing what Liam’s really asking. “I want to go home with you.” 

———

Liam does bring it up later, he and Austin going through what they want from the experience, what’s on the table, and what’s off limits. One thing Austin very emphatically puts on Liam is the negotiations with someone else. Liam has several dinners worth of conversation to know what Austin does and doesn’t want, and sometimes it’s hard enough to admit those things to Liam. He doesn’t think they’d ever get to the scene if he had to get through all the talking with someone new first.

Everything else about the year is progressing apace too. The SFU season wraps up, the team missing the post-season. Austin’s season was as good as the rest of the team’s was bad. Liam points out that Austin had the best stats for a single player whose team didn’t make the playoffs from the whole conference, which is objectively cool, but doesn’t take away the disappointment nearly as well as being put over Liam’s knee for a spanking does.

Normally the end of the season would mean less training, but this year if anything he’s actually more dedicated to training. He’s got a couple of months until he has to prove himself to the professionals. And every day at the gym by himself is better than another day with the team would have been. No worries about asshole teammates.

Tonight when he arrived at Liam’s apartment, Liam asked him if he was still okay with adding a third person, because he had a scene planned, that everything that was happening was planned. Austin is still on board, and he agrees.

Liam’s been keeping him caged less. But tonight, after agreeing, Liam orders him naked and put a new cage on him. It’s different from the one he’s used to wearing. That one was designed for discretion, something that he could wear under his clothes to keep him from getting hard, something that would let him ignore his dick. This one is not like that. It’s heavy, and weighs down Austin’s dick, makes him aware of the way his dick swings between his legs as he walks, doesn’t let him forget for a second that it’s there.

It’s distracting, so Austin barely notices the set up as Liam leads him into the living room and gets him down on his hands and knees on a yoga mat set out in front of the couch.

“I thought the room could use a new coffee table,” Liam says, sitting down on the couch kicking his legs out under Austin’s belly. One of his feet kicks at Austin’s dick, not enough to hurt, probably not enough to even be considered a kick, more of a brush, magnified by the way the cage pulls on him. Austin shifts with the movement, trying to relieve the weight on his dick.

Liam grabs his hips roughly and holds him in place. “That was your one freebie,” he says. “You’re a table tonight, and unless you’re going to safeword, you have to stay absolutely still.”

Liam lets go of Austin’s hips and Austin doesn’t move. Liam sinks back down on the couch and rests his feet on Austin’s back and Austin doesn’t move. “Good,” Liam says to the room at large. He can’t be talking to Austin because tonight Austin’s not a person to be talked to. But the compliment settles him regardless, and he sinks into the role of making Liam happy.

It’s barely a few minutes later when there’s the sound of a key in the front door. But Austin doesn’t process it right away. Not when he hears footsteps, not until the sound resolves itself into Lalita standing in the doorway, saying, “Hey, I got the Timmies.”

Austin sits up on his knees, knocking Liam’s feet away, hands coming up to cover his dick before he’s even consciously thought about what he’s doing.

Liam ignores Austin, getting up to meet Lalita at the door, taking one of the cups she’s offering him. But Lalita is staring back at where Austin is staring at him. She’s dressed down in leggings and an oversized sweater, but she still looks like porn, like a woman so hot he can’t believe she exists in real life. He’s never sure if she looks like a porn star because he knows she is, or if anyone would see it, even in the same sort of casual at-home clothes girls wear to the 8:30 classes.

For someone he’d like to impress, he’s constantly humiliated in front of her. It makes him want to lash out, makes him want to fight, the way he did with Liam at first, before Liam put him in his place.

The best defense is a good offense, right? “What are you doing here?” She’s never around on nights Liam has him over to play. It’s not fair, changing the script on him like this. But Liam stays out of it.

“I live here.” She throws it back to him. “What are you doing here?”

“Fucking your roommate.” This is the worst.

“I think that’s the other way around.” She smirks, having fun at his expense as he’s dying. He doesn’t need to see himself to know that he’s flushed red in embarrassment. He wants to cross his arms over his chest, protect himself, but that would leave his dick exposed.

She must be able to see the struggle on his face. “You’re not the first caged sub I’ve ever seen,” rolling her eyes at him. “Not even the first one I’ve seen Liam tie up.”

Of course not. That’s their fucking job. Fucking. That’s their job. She’s seen Liam wreck guys before. Austin is nothing, a dumb kid who is fucking this up. He should go home and leave them to it.

Liam cuts off those thoughts. “Get back down,” he says, pointing back to the mat, where Austin is supposed to be on all fours. Austin suddenly wishes that he were tied up, like Lalita said. Austin wishes he had no choice in the matter, that he could struggle as hard as possible against the restraints and still not be able to get out. He doesn’t want to have to make this choice, doesn’t want to have to do this on his own.

But Liam told him to, so he does.

He drops his head between his arms, focussing on the floor. He doesn’t want to think about Lalita seeing him like this, and Liam being disappointed that he couldn’t follow directions.

For their part, Liam and Lalita are ignoring Austin in turn, sitting down on the couch and talking about watching some show. There’s a hand on his back, and at the last second Austin manages to keep from moving at it. The hand is followed by something else being placed on his back, small and rough and giving off heat, being held still until whoever’s putting it there is sure it’s steady on him. When a second one joins the first Austin realizes it’s their Timmies cups. Something else joins the cups as they queue up their show.

The something else is snacks, Austin realizes as it nudges around on his back, Liam and Lalita reaching in to take some of whatever it is. The cups are lifted and carefully re-settled on him, the way that Liam and Lalita make absolutely sure their cups are steady and stable before letting go the only concession to the fact that he’s not any other piece of furniture in the apartment.

For his part, Austin stays absolutely still. He has no idea what they’re watching on TV, focused solely on keeping his muscles locked in position, thoughts blank beyond keeping his body exactly where it is.

He is so focussed on not moving he startles when Liam puts a hand on his shoulder and pulls him up.

“What?” he says, his head. His neck is stiff and it aches.

“Time to get up,” Liam says, helping him to his feet.

It’s not just his neck that aches, it’s everything. His shoulders are tight and his knees protest as he stands. “How long was I like that?” Austin asks.

“One episode,” Liam tells him.

“Really, that’s it?” Austin roll his shoulders trying to work out the stiffness. It was a half hour of doing nothing, and Austin feels wrecked.

Liam reaches up to rub at them, thumbs sweeping comfortingly up his neck. “You did good,” Liam says. “You were so still for us.”

“No,” Austin says. “I screwed up when Lalita came in.”

“But after, you were a rock,” Liam says.

Austin frowns, doing a few knee lifts to work out the stiffness. His caged cock swings heavily between his legs at the movement, but the relief of the stretch in his knees outweighs any discomfort and embarrassment.

Liam doesn’t usually let him get away with misbehaving. Austin doesn’t like it and wants to protest, but Liam cuts him off. “We’ll talk about it later.” And as soon as Austin stops stretching, Liam beckons him over and takes off the cage. Liam pulls Austin down to the couch next to him, wrapping him in the Canucks blanket that’s become Austin’s.

Austin didn’t notice her leaving, but a moment later, Lalita’s back, passing Austin a Timmies cup and sitting down at the other end of the couch. “I had to put it in the microwave,” she says “It had gotten cold. I hope it’s still good.”

“Thanks,” Austin says, wrapping his hands around the warm cup. He doesn't realize how cold his hands were until he registers how nice the warmth is. He takes a sip and the hot chocolate is comforting.

Liam clicks for the next episode to play, but Austin isn’t following along any better than he was before. That had taken more out of him that it felt like at the time, and between one blink and the next he falls asleep.

When Austin blinks awake he’s no longer lying against Liam, because Liam’s not there. The show is paused, so he can't have gone far. Lalita is still sitting at the other end of the couch, and after a moment she must notice that he’s awake, because she says “You make him happy.”

“What?” Austin asks.

“Liam,” Lalita says. “You’ve got to know how much he likes you.”

“I-“ Austin isn’t sure what to say. She’s never been his biggest fan, wary of him from when he rang their doorbell, even before he was anything to Liam. And he screwed up tonight, getting up when she first got here, not staying still where Liam put him.

But he wants to be good, thinks that he could get there if he tries. Next time he’ll stay still, sit at Liam and Lalita’s feet after as they watch more TV. Next time, Liam can pass him to Lalita to pet his head and tell him he’s a good boy. “Thanks,” he says, but thinks next time he could be better.

Liam comes back then, breaking up whatever Lalita was going to say next. “Oh, hey, you’re awake.”

“Hi, yeah,” Austin says, pushing himself up so that there’s room for Liam to sit back down behind him.

“You want to go to bed?” Liam asks.

Austin shifts around, considering. He could sleep more. And, he’s not as sore as he was before, but if he’s going to sleep it would be better in a bed. “Sure,” he says, getting up. “Goodnight,” he says to Lalita, following Liam down the hall to bed.

———

It’s the next morning before Liam brings it up. “Last night was good, right?”

“Yeah,” Austin says, shrugging. “Wasn’t expecting that.”

“What about it?”

Austin wasn’t expecting any of it. “There was no fucking,” between any of them. Lalita barely touched him. It was more embarrassing than anything else.”I don’t know if that counts.”

“Of course it counts. Why would you say that?”

“We didn’t do anything,” Austin says. Liam didn’t even fuck him until this morning.

“You let yourself be vulnerable in front of someone else,” Liam says. “And you were trussed up. That’s not nothing either. I wasn’t sure how you’d handle another person seeing it. I figured we’d start with something easy.”

“I failed the easy test,” Austin says, remembering. “I moved when Lalita got there.”

“You were startled,” Liam says. “And then you got over it. You got back on all fours and stayed there. You didn’t hide. I think that was a success.”

“Oh.” Austin didn’t fail. The game wasn’t the one he thought he was playing. Liam thinks he did well. Austin pretends it’s the sun slanting in through the windows making him feel warm inside. “So next time will be harder?”

“You still want a next time?” Liam checks.

“Yes,” Austin says, still relieved by Liam’s take on last night. He wants to rise to the next challenge Liam has for him.

“Next time will be different,” Liam says. “I don’t know about harder, but more.” It sounds like Liam already has something in mind.

“Bring it,” Austin says. He can take whatever Liam has for him. “I’m ready.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Liam says, and then changes the subject. “How do you feel about omelettes?”

So, they go out to breakfast because neither of them is in a rush to get anywhere else. It’s a luxury they rarely have. Liam takes them to a little homestyle restaurant, bright white tile and rough wood tables, large bright windows letting in the light and a menu of award-winning omelettes.

“How’s your food?” Liam asks later, once they've gotten their orders.

“Good,” Austin says. “Do you want to try?” He pushes his plate over to Liam.

Liam slides his plate over to Austin so they can try each other’s omelettes. Austin doesn’t look around to see if anyone notices them being disgustingly couple-y. He doesn’t care if anyone sees how happy they are like this.

———

Austin is almost done with the most boring shift ever at Rear Entrance Video. There’s no one coming by to rent porn mid-afternoon, mid-week. Beverly was talking about expanding from videos into sex toys, since there's more of a market for that. Apparently everyone gets their porn online, which, duh. Austin’s laptop is a million years old, but Max’s new one doesn’t even have a DVD drive.

With an empty store, Austin feels no compunctions about answering his cell phone when it rings, showing it’s his mom calling. His mom and step-sister, Vicky, are planning to drive down for graduation weekend, which is rapidly approaching. The coordination seems to require talking to his mom at least three times as much as he normally does.

No surprise, his mom wants to talk logistics, when they’re driving down, where they are staying, what the plans for the weekend are. Austin is okay with pretty much whatever. The only thing he has planned for that weekend is graduating.

Then his mom moves on to what he’s doing after that. There’s a two-month gap between when his current lease ends and he flies out for training camps. 

“Will you be ready to drive back with us that weekend?” she asks, “or are you going to finish out the month at your apartment?”

“I’m going to stay in Vancouver this summer,” Austin tells her. Liam said that Lalita was willing to put up with them fucking all over the place if he wanted to stay with them, her exact words. Who is Austin to turn down that sort of invitation?

“Christian is letting you stay for the summer?” his mom asks.

Austin sighs. She isn’t going to like this. “Liam said I can stay with him and his roommate, Lalita.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” his mom says.

“I already have a job and friends here. I want to stay at the gym with my trainer going before camp.” More than anything, he doesn’t want to fuck up his training before he has to go prove himself to a new team. But what it really boils down to is, “I live here.”

“But with that man?”

“My boyfriend, Liam,” Austin corrects her. “I don’t know why you’re so against him.” But Austin is cut off by his phone beeping, and, speak of the devil, it’s Liam. “I’m getting another call,” Austin tells his mom. "Can you wait a second?”

She agrees and Austin switches to pick up Liam’s call. “Hey, what’s up, I’m on another call.”

“I’ve got the car. I’m coming to pick you up.”

“What?”

“To watch the game tonight at John’s.” Playoffs start tonight. John has a huge apartment, and has already issues a standing invite to the team to come watch at his place.

“I know. I can just take the bus.” Austin glances at the clock on the store computer. “I don’t get off for another forty minutes.”

“You won’t get off until later than that. We have a game to watch first,” Liam says, seeing the opening and taking it. Austin rolls his eyes even though Liam can’t see it. Liam just keeps talking. “I’ll hang out until you can clock out. I like hanging out with you.”

“Fine, fine.” Austin can’t argue with that.

“Great, I’m already on my way. See you soon,” and Liam hangs up, dropping Austin back into the call with his mom.

“Who was that?” she asks. “Everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” Austin stalls, but he isn’t going to lie about it. “It was just Liam. He’s going to pick me up from work. We’re watching the game with friends tonight.”

“His friends?” she asks.

Whatever trap she is trying to set, he is not falling into it, having learned from Liam the benefits of specificity. “Guys from the rec league team he is on, who I’ve also played with and am friends with.”

“Why can’t you watch the game with your team? Or your roommates?”

“My roommates aren’t into hockey. And my team didn’t invite me to watch the game with them. I’m not really friends with them.” That’s a gross understatement, but he didn’t want to worry his mom with the truth, and it’s past the point where it matters now. “I don’t understand what’s wrong with having new friends.”

“You weren’t even gay before.” Austin wants to argue but she keeps going and he can’t get a word in edgewise. “Then here comes this older man and he’s picking you up from work, driving you around in his car. You’re always spending time with his friends, and now you’re moving into his house. I thought you’d break up when you left, but you’re not. He’s an adult, Austin, and you’re this kid with so much in front of you and he’s only going to hold you back.”

“No.” Austin is stunned by his mom’s words. She must have been holding on to that for a long time. She sounds like he does when he can’t hold it in anymore. He wonders if he got that from her. “You have it backwards. The reason I have so much in front of me is because of his support. You’re painting this horrible picture in your head, but it’s nothing like that. He’s wonderful. If you met him, you’d see.”

“Well then I want to meet him while I’m there.”

“Um,” Austin says. He can’t take it back now. It was accidentally his idea. “Okay.”

“Good,” she says, moving on to tell his the latest story of the pet fish in her office.

Austin is just getting off the phone with her when Liam arrives.

Liam grabs a chair from the back and pulls it around to join Austin behind the checkout counter.

“Hey,” Liam says. “I have a question for you. You have time to talk?”

It has been dead this shift, so Austin agrees. “Yeah. And I have a question for you,” Austin says. “But you go first.”

“Would you be okay with subbing for Dave?”

Austin is not sure what he’s expecting but it’s certainly not that. “Like, goalie Dave? He does that?”

“Sometimes,” Liam shrugs. “It’s not a lifestyle thing for him, but he’ll play.”

“Huh,” Austin says. He likes Dave. He’s kind of weird, but all goalies are.

“If you’d rather I set something up with someone I know through work, I can do that too.”

Austin thinks about that. Would he prefer a stranger? If he screws up, he never has to see the stranger again. Then again, that comes with it’s own kind of pressure, meeting someone new, figuring out if he likes them, trying to impress them, hoping they like him. He already knows he and Dave like each other well enough.

And Liam wouldn’t suggest it if he didn’t think it would work. Austin could agonize about it some more. He’s a chronic overthinker. But there’s another option that Liam’s been drilling into his head. “Maybe,” Austin decides. “Can we talk about it more? With him?”

“Yes, definitely,” Liam says. “I’ll see if he’s interested and invite him over to discuss it. Think about what you want. You’ll have to speak for yourself this time.”

“Okay,” Austin says. He can do this. And if he tells himself that enough, it might even be true.

“Now, what was your question?”

“Oh,” Austin stalls. Liam’s question totally threw him. “My mom wants to meet you when she’s here for graduation.”

Liam blanches. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“It will be fine.” It has to be.

———

Austin alternates nights out with Liam’s team watching the playoffs and nights at Liam’s watching the playoffs, with nights holed up in his apartment writing papers. In one feat of planning, he bribes his roommates into watching the game at their place with him and Liam with the promise of free beer so he can keep right on with studying.

One night, Dave comes over straight from work to catch the end of an Eastern Conference game that none of them really care about, and they talk. Liam steps back and let’s Austin take the lead on their behalf. There are a few times where the words get stuck in his throat. But Dave and Liam wait for him to get there, and their patience makes it easier as the conversation goes on. By the end, they’ve hashed out details for a scene that everyone’s schedules are too busy for them to put a date against.

Classes end, rolling over into study week, and Austin doesn’t have time for anything beyond making sure he’s done with school for good. His roommates are all in the same boat, and there’s a lot of energy drinks and late night pizzas while they all cram through.

After Austin’s last final, he goes to Liam’s, but it’s the middle of the afternoon and Liam’s still at work. Austin crashes, sleeping straight through until morning.

After finals there’s still Senior Week, a week ostentatiously so seniors can have one last hurrah, but mainly it’s time for the professors and their TAs to grade the finals so they know whether or not to hand out diplomas to all the seniors.

Austin is still on the email list for the team, and they’ve got plans to hit up a bar crawl in Collegetown. Austin sure as hell isn’t going. He hasn’t seen anyone from the team since the last game of the season. He can’t imagine that he’d be gearing up for training camps if he were still hiding and pretending and following them around.

Austin’s roommates drag him out to an open bar at a place on the opposite side of campus and he’s several drinks in when he tells them they’re better friends to him than he’s ever been to them.

———

Since the season ended, Austin has been been joining in the Davie Street team scrimmages when his schedule allows. Tonight was a heated game of tops vs. bottoms (and if you don’t fit in one of those categories just pick a fucking team). It’s the first time Liam and Austin have wound up on different teams for one of these things, making the teams a much more fair split than they usually are.

They are the best players on their respective teams and Austin doesn’t know how he feels about it. He doesn’t do casual competition well, but he’s not sure how he feels about beating Liam.

Liam answers that question early in the first, stripping the puck from Austin and taking off for an odd man rush, which he converts into a goal. It’s on.

Austin gets him back, using his full force to check him into the boards, stealing the puck and sending it down the ice to John.

It’s a quick back-and-forth game for as long as it lasts. The goalies call it off shortly into the third because “fuck you, that’s why,” as Austin and Liam argue whether Austin’s last goal counts. That devolves into the two of them trying to out-do each other at trick shots, with everyone but the two of them, and Dave in goal humoring them, clearing out.

When they finally tromp off the ice to the locker rooms, the rest of the team is done and gone. The feeling from the ice is still there, fun, body sweating under his layers as much as his cheeks are red from the cold. They’re still shooting the shit, a continuation of their on-ice antics.

Austin figures tonight must be the night with Dave, which only has him more keyed up, knowing what’s in store for him. So he hurries out of his equipment, shedding himself of his helmet, skates, and layers of pads. He’s already thinking about how quickly they can shower and get back to Liam’s for whatever Liam has planned.

But Liam stops him. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“The shower,” Austin says, still laughing.

“Like hell you are,” Austin says, grabbing his arm, pulling him back roughly, pushing him down so his bare ass hits the cold metal bench running down the middle of the locker room.

Austin looks up. It’s not just Liam standing over him, looming, but Dave too, both crowding in close.

“Come on Little Austin, we know you’ve been looking,” Dave stays.

“What?”

“Fag like you, we know you’ve been checking out the real men in the locker room,” Liam sneers.

Austin knew what was coming, but it’s different in the locker room than it is in Liam’s apartment. Liam’s apartment feels safe. The locker room has years of fear behind it. He swallows hard, looks down, and doesn’t stop it. Dave grabs his hair and pulls his head back so that he’s looking up at them again, but doesn’t say anything.

But Liam picks up Dave’s verbal slack, “you know you’ve been asking for this.Little fag wasn’t even subtle about watching us. You like what you see? Want some real men to rough you up, you little bitch?”

Austin does and he doesn’t. This was his worst nightmare and his biggest fantasy for the longest time and they’re making it happen for him. He tries to move, he doesn’t know whether it’s to nod his agreement or shake his head in horror, but Dave’s still got a vice grip on him, and it just pulls painfully at his scalp.

Dave pulls, dragging Austin forward off the bench, and he lands hard on his knees, face forced into Dave’s crotch. It smells of balls and sweat, not so different from Liam when they’re all filthy from hockey. Dave rubs Austin’s face against him, cock dragging along Austin’s cheek, balls along his chin, his mouth. “Little Austin likes it,” Dave says to Liam, and Austin’s stomach twists, because he does and he doesn’t want to.

“Let me try.” Liam moves in, but Dave doesn’t move away. Instead they press together hip to hip to get at Austin. Liam takes his dick in hand and smacks Austin’s face with it. The metal ring of his piercing stings, and Liam does it again. Austin has two cocks in his face, Dave rubbing up against him, Liam continuing his smacking assault. He opens his mouth, if he’s going to gag on it anyway, he wants a cock in his mouth, something concrete to explain the way he’s choking up.

Liam and Dave ignore his plight, talking over him about how they’re going to wreck him, but they’re barely doing anything, pulling away every time Austin gets a taste of one of them, every time he thinks maybe, finally he can get one of Dave’s balls in his mouth. But it’s only enough for a taste, salty sweat making his mouth water, before he’s jerked back.

“Little Austin likes this too much,” Dave says.

Liam looks at Austin, considering. The smack comes out of nowhere, Liam’s open palm hitting Austin’s cheek before Austin’s realized he moved. Austin cries out at the shock.

“This isn’t for you,” Liam sneers at him. “We’re not going to coddle you, give you all that nice cock you’re gagging for.” Dave runs his hand along Austin’s cheek, gentler than Liam’s words imply. “We’re going to teach you a lesson, make your other cheeks as red as these.” And Dave must be tracing the mark Liam’s slapped onto him.

It must be Liam’s turn to drag him into place, because Austin is manhandled up off the floor and laid precariously over Liam’s lap. Liam spreads his legs under Austin, and tugs him up so he’s settled there, puts a firm hand on his back to keep him in place, and brings his other hand down hard on Austin’s ass. Liam sets a fast pace, the blows blurring into a fog of heat and pain and humiliation that will never end.

“Hey, let me have a turn.” The words don’t mean anything to Austin in this state, but they stop the hard whacks of the spanking. Instead, there’s another set of hands, Dave, Austin thinks vaguely, hauling his legs up and over, so he’s straddling the bench, shoulders down, leaning heavy on Liam’s thighs, his ass up in the air. There are hands on him, digging into the meat of his ass, turning the burning ache into a deeper sharper throb as they pull his cheeks apart, exposing his hole.

“Look at that,” Liam tells Dave, showing off Austin. Dave runs a dry finger over Austin’s hole, and Austin can’t help the way he clenches.

“So pretty,” Dave says. “All framed by his red, warmed-over ass.”

“And still so desperate for more,” Liam agrees. “Go for it.”

There’s a hocking noise, and something wet is dripping down his crack over his hole. “Such a pretty, dirty slut,” someone says, before it happens again, and Austin realizes that’s Dave is spitting on him, rubbing it into his hole with his fingers, before doing it again.

Austin jerks, a renewed struggle, but he has no leverage, spread out and held down. This is the worst, and the best. Dave follows his fingers with his tongue, licking into Austin’s ass.

Austin realizes he’s begging, but he’s not sure if it’s for it to stop or for more. He’s lost in the sensation of too many hands, too much everything. Dave’s stubble rubs into his already burning, sore skin as he eats Austin’s ass, devours him with tongue and teeth. Liam turns Austin’s head so that Austin is facing Liam’s body, Liam wiping a tear away from Austin’s cheek.

Austin jerks his head back at that. He can’t take that type of kindness. He won’t make it through. He puts his shaking arms on the bench under him, pushing his upper body off of Liam’s lap.

Liam gets up from where he’s sitting, and Austin tracks where he’s going. Liam grabs a loose puck from a nearby stall before coming back to him. With Austin bent over like this, Liam standing looms over him. Liam puts the puck down next to Austin’s hand. “You want to stop, knock that off the bench,” Liam tells him. Austin twists his hand around, testing his reach. He could do that, if he wanted to. He nods, and that propels Liam back into motion.

Liam puts two fingers in Austin’s panting mouth, curling them to dig into the soft flesh of his upper palate, dragging Austin’s head up, and mouth open. “We’ve been nice so far, but no more.” Austin tries to cry out when Dave’s mouth pulls away, leaving his hole exposed, cold from the quickly drying spit. But he can’t, Liam’s drawing his fingers out of Austin’s mouth just to replace them with his dick, pushing himself in and holding Austin there.

“Go ahead,” Liam says to Dave. A second later Dave enters Austin with his slicked up cock, pushing in in one smooth stroke.

Liam and Dave set a fast pace, hard and punishing. Austin can’t do anything but take it. It’s not normal to want to live out your worst nightmare. But Austin is, and he’s loving it. He wants more, more of the humiliating nicknames, more of the rough hands, more of the burning in his ass, more of the choking on Liam’s cock. Dave slams into him again and again. Austin wants this.

Dave reaches around, to grab Austin’s cock, and Austin wants to cry out, wants to tell him no. Austin doesn’t want that, doesn’t want to come, doesn’t deserve it, doesn’t want them to worry about his pleasure. But his mouth is full of Liam’s dick and he can’t say anything. He can’t stop the way the pressure is so good, the way that Dave rubs a thumb under the head on every stroke, the way he spreads the pre-cum leaking out of him so that the hand on him is wet and slick, the way Dave’s rubbing at his prostate with every thrust, the way Austin is just too full, stuffed with cock from both ends.

It’s all too much, and Austin comes, shaking and spurting cum.

Austin loses track of details, of his surroundings, his senses completely overwhelmed. His limbs feel weak and heavy, but he hasn’t moved from position, Liam holding him in place from his shoulders, Dave from his hips. And as Austin regains awareness he becomes aware that Liam and Dave are still fucking into him from both ends, and he’s glad. It’s too much, and he’s distantly aware of how much it aches, how sore he is. But this is finally what he wants, not his own pleasure, but theirs. He wants to give his team what they want. He wants his team to take what they want from him.

They do, pounding at him, until they don’t. Liam pulls out of Austin’s mouth, and Austin doesn’t process what’s happening, leaving his mouth open, tongue hanging out, waiting for Liam to return. But a moment later it’s not Liam’s dick back in Austin’s mouth, but spurts of his cum, landing on Austin’s cheeks, across the bridge of his nose. A glob falls on Austin’s tongue, dripping down and Austin closes his mouth quickly, swallowing before it can escape.

He’s slightly more prepared when Dave pulls out. His hole gapes for more, as Dave comes on him, painting his red ass with white streaks of cum.

Austin is ready to collapse where he is, lie down and rest, but he doesn’t get it. Instead, Liam lifts him up from his shoulders. “It’s gonna be cold on the metal bench,” Liam explains, putting Austin’s arm over his shoulders and slipping his arm around Austin’s waist.

Dave takes Austin’s other side. “The showers will be nice and warm,” he says as they usher Austin to them.

Dave passes Austin over to Liam entirely as they get to the showers, ducking out from holding Austin up so that he can turn on two showerheads next to each other. Liam maneuvers Austin under the hot spray of one of them, while Dave washes off next to them. They are right, the hot water sluicing away the cum and sweat from his skin, relaxing his muscles and easing the aches. When Dave is done washing off, Liam passes Austin off to him, so that Liam can wash off.

Once they are both clean, they wash Austin down, and Austin luxuriates in their soft, gentle hands on him.

“You okay?” Dave asks, as the soap suds circle the drain, water washing clear over them.

“Yeah,” Austin says. He is. He is warm and safe with them, everything a little fuzzy with a hazy, comforting glow.

They turn off the shower, and hand Austin a towel, each taking their own. And it’s a little startling after all this time to have no one else’s hands on him as he dries off. The towel feels abrasive on his oversensitive skin, and maybe he’s not quite there yet.

Back in the locker room, Austin looks forlorn at his street clothes from earlier. But before he can work himself up to putting his jeans back on, Liam passes him a pair of sweatpants, and a pullover hoodie. “I thought you might need it,” Liam explains, at Austin’s questioning look.

All three of them go back to Liam’s, picking up takeout on the way there. Liam and Dave keep the conversation going with no contribution from Austin.

The food perks him up, and by the time the late night rerun of ESPN is one, Austin has perked up enough to join the conversation. And when that’s winding down, Dave pulls Austin aside to check in. “We’re good, right?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Austin says smiling. It’s good.

———

Liam and Dave, who crashed on the couch, are long gone by the time Austin wakes up the next morning, the night before having taken a lot out of him, and with no obligations that necessitated setting an alarm. He lazes about, goes to the gym, and then comes back to Liam’s to laze about some more. He considers ordering takeout, but he gets distracted trying to beat Liam’s high score on GTA on Liam’s old PS2. It’s not as good as the PS4 setup that Bobby has at his apartment, but it has its charms.

When Liam comes home, he drags Austin to the pub down the block, ostentatiously for dinner, but Austin knows Liam’s trying to protect his high score.

Liam orders them shots with their beers and burgers. “What’s the celebration?” Austin asks.

“To success,” Liam says, toasting, and throwing back his shot.

Austin joins him, swallowing it down, and taking a swig of his beer as a chaser.

“Last night went well, right?” Liam says. “So you’re all set to go off and take the hockey world by storm.”

“You don’t sound that happy about it.” Austin wonders if this is new, or if he’s just been so caught up in his own worries he hasn’t noticed it in Liam.

“What’s wrong?” he asks. 

Liam shrugs. 

Austin hates this. He’s not a huge fan of his own tendency to blow up when he gets angry. It’s loud and messy and whoever’s there gets to be witness to it. But now that Austin knows what he’s looking for, Liam is just as bad. He pulls back and doesn’t say anything. Liam is usually so good with his words, that when he doesn’t know what to say he chooses to say nothing. 

Liam takes care of him. Austin wants to be able to do the same for Liam. 

“Something is clearly wrong,” Austin says. “Please tell me.” 

“I’ve been preparing you to leave me,” Liam says, calm, steady tone at odds with the words. Liam crosses his arms in front of his chest. 

“I’m not leaving you, I’m going to play hockey.” Austin says. 

“You’ll be a million kilometres away. You’ll find someone closer, more convenient,” Liam says. 

“Fuck that,” Austin says. His hands are shaking, hidden on his lap under the table. If that’s what Liam thinks about him, he wants to be angry too. But this is too important for him to blow up. Instead, Austin takes a deep breath, and then another. He’s proud of how his voice barely shakes when he speaks again. “It sucks that that’s so far from you. I love you and want to be with you.” 

“What if you change your mind?” Liam says. Austin thinks it’s a ridiculous thought. He’s not going to change his mind. Liam is always the one who believes Austin, and to have Liam doubt him is discomfiting. It makes Austin’s next words even more important. 

“You’ve been teaching me to say what I want for the past year,” Austin says. “That’s what I’m doing here. I want to be with you, even if I’m far away, even if it’s hard. I’m a better, happier person with you. I know it’s impossible for me to prove what the future will bring. But disbelieving what I say isn’t going to help anything.” 

“I-” Liam starts. “Sorry-” 

Austin doesn’t let him apologize, just keeps talking. “My family is getting into town this weekend. You’re gonna meet my mom,” he continues. 

“Don’t remind me,” Liam says, shuddering. Liam hasn’t outright refused to meet them, but he’s been trying to subtly talk Austin out of bringing him along. Asking if he’s sure one time might not have made an impression on Austin, but he caught on by the third time Liam’s tried to weasel his way out. 

“Meeting the family is serious.” Austin gestures back and forth between the two of them. “This is serious.” 

“I know it’s serious,” Liam says. 

“Then we’re on the same page,” Austin says. “You can tell me when you’re worried. I want to help you, the way you always help me." 

This time, Austin accepts it when Liam says “I’m sorry.” 

“Thank you,” he says. “So should we try that again?” and he lifts his beer for a toast. 

Liam lifts his, clinking the bottle against Austin’s. “Congratulations.” 

———

Later that night, when Liam’s balls deep in Austin, Liam says, “You’re right, you know.”

“Hunh?” Austin asks, as much a grunt from how well Liam is nailing him as it is a question.

“You’ve grown so much in the year we’ve known each other,” Liam pants into Austin’s neck, “into such a good man.”

“Don’t.” Austin pushes back into Liam’s thrusts.

“You’re not that little boy anymore.” Liam ignores Austin’s plea. “You’re a man. This big hot hockey player who lets me put him on his knees.”

“Fuck.” It escapes Austin almost involuntary. He likes it when Liam calls him his good little boy, but this is working for him too.

“You’ve grown up into such a good man,” Liam says, thrusting into him. “Maybe one day we can try this the other way. What do you say? You want to fuck me?”

Shit, Austin does so much, his dick is aching for it. “Yes Master, please.”

“Don’t,” Liam says. “Say my name.”

“Liam, please,” Austin begs, as Liam wraps his spare hand around Austin’s dick, moving his hand in time with his thrusts. “Liam, Liam, Liam.” It becomes Austin’s mantra as he loses himself in it, the two of them fitting together seamlessly even when they’re just fucking, nothing particularly kinky about it. He pushes back into it, wanting Liam to come with him.

He does, Liam following Austin over the edge, the two of them collapsing into a heap on Liam’s bed. Austin likes the weight of Liam boneless and breathless on top of him. Austin doesn’t know how Liam could think Austin wants anything else.

———

Austin stays the night. Austin’s not sure what he can do to prove to Liam that he’s as in it as Liam is, but to start he’s going to start by staying at Liam’s for as long as he can.

Austin spends the next few days repeating the pattern, bumming around Liam’s during the day while Liam is at work. At night they go out for dinner or order in, making out in front of the television usually leading to more.

Liam continues to be weird. Until finally, Austin realizes that Liam is nervous about meeting his family. It’s taken so long for Austin to figure out what the foreign emotion is on Liam’s face is, because Liam is never nervous. Austin isn’t nervous: he knows that Liam will win them over.

Liam’s alarm had gone off stupidly early, and instead of using the extra time to fool around, Liam got right out of bed and started getting ready for the day. Which means it’s still way too early and he’s already dressed in a shirt and tie. Liam is using the extra time to pace back and forth, interrupting Austin’s own attempts to lounge around in bed.

Finally Liam’s stressing is too much for Austin and he drags himself out of bed. “Seriously, stop,” Austin says putting himself in the path of Liam’s pacing. Liam tries to go around him but Austin moves with him, pushing Liam back, guiding him so Liam’s sitting down on the bed.

Austin drops to his knees. “You need to chill,” Austin says opening the fly of the nice slacks that Liam put on this morning.

Liam isn’t hard yet, but Austin is determined to change that. He breathes in the clean, freshly showered smell, breathes out hot breath on Liam’s dick. He mouthes at Liam’s piercing, before gently suckling at Liam’s soft cock. It fits in his mouth so much more easily this way, and he stays there for a bit, enjoying being able to breathe with a mouth full of cock.

He brings his hands up to reach for Liam’s balls. But after letting Austin take the lead, Liam catches his wrists and pulls them away. “You don’t need those,” Liam says gently.

Austin pulls off of Liam’s dick to agree, “No, I don’t.” And when Liam lets go of his hands at his agreement, Austin clasps them behind his back.

Austin moves back into nuzzle at Liam’s balls, sucking on one, then the other. Austin moves back to Liam’s dick again, and it’s harder now because Liam is harder. He bobs up and down, working his tongue, getting Liam all the way hard before he sinks all the way down, swallowing around the head of Liam’s dick. He can’t breathe, when he’s down here, Liam’s cock so big there’s no option but to choke on it, but he forces himself to stay there. Liam runs his hands through Austin’s hair, not holding him down, but helping him stay where he wants to be.

Austin stays down there as long as he can, pulling off only when he’s desperate, gasping for breath. Austin’s voice is already wrecked when he looks up and asks, “You’re not going to tell me how good I’m doing?”

“I don’t know,” Liam says, voice steady and even. “I haven’t come yet.”

Austin goes back down, taking Liam’s words as a challenge. He stays there, swallowing around Liam’s cock until there are tears gathering in the corner of his eyes. Liam brushes them away with a swipe of his thumb.

Austin repeats himself, pulling off of Liam’s dick only when he’s desperate for air, before swelling him down again, pulling out all the stops. Every time he looks up at Liam’s face, he looks totally collected. But Austin can feel Liam’s thighs trembling around his face, can feel half-aborted thrusts of his hips into Austin’s mouth.

Liam comes with no warning and Austin struggles to swallow it all. When he pulls off, he unclasps his hands and uses his fingers to lick up the few dribbles that got on his face.

“Feeling better?” Austin asks.

“Go, get cleaned up,” Liam says pushing Austin away by the hand fisted in his hair. But he’s smiling down at Austin. “If you look like that they’re definitely going to hate me.”

Austin’s not sure what he looks like, but if his voice is any indication, he’s wrecked. So he gets up and goes to the bathroom to evaluate the damage. “You can win over anyone, even my family,” Austin croaks back.

“And hurry. We’re going to be late.”

“My mom has never been less than a half hour late to anything in her life.” Liam has probably never been less than 5 minutes early. Austin has learned to be punctual if he wants to come. It’s quite the motivator. “We’ll be there in plenty of time.”

———

Austin’s right. He and Liam beat his family to the hotel they are staying at for graduation weekend. Eventually they get there, and after all that worry, it’s anti-climactic. Liam is polite and charming, shaking his mom’s hand and calling her “Mrs. Puett.”

But his mom is too happy to see him to be angry about Liam, leaving a much less hostile Vicky to make small talk with Liam. Austin’s mom mentions how big he’s gotten, and he waves it off. He’s the same height he’s always been, although he knows that he is bigger, that working out has been paying off. Lalita bullied him into buying a new suit for graduation since none of his old ones fit quite right.

Out of all the possibilities for this weekend, he never thought about how she could embarrass him. They get checked in, then the four of them head out to the restaurant for lunch.

It’s nice. Austin hasn’t seen his mom since this time last year, which was before he met Liam. When Austin thinks about it, it seems equally like yesterday and like a hundred years ago. He was so angry and defensive and unhappy. Liam did all of that for Austin, and Austin doesn’t think Liam has any idea.

It’s a good lunch. Everyone is happy to be celebrating Austin’s graduation, and excited to see what he can do with hockey professionally. If Austin’s mom asks Liam some pointed questions about how he feels about Austin leaving, well, Liam handles the interrogation well.

There’s a bunch of ceremonial events later that afternoon on campus that Liam begs out of, so Austin takes his family to show off his school. They haven’t been there since they dropped him off as a freshman, and while there were plenty of bad things he just never mentioned when he called home, there were a handful of good things in those four years to point out too.

He goes back to his apartment after dropping them off at the hotel. Liam is going to meet them in the morning, but Austin will be going with his roommates straight to the quad to line up for the processional with all the other graduating seniors. He’ll see them when he’s done.

———

After days of sleeping in, the ring of Austin’s alarm clock comes way too early. He pulls himself out of bed, but he has experience in fumbling into the suit he laid out the night before before he’s even fully awake, graduation morning uncannily like a game day morning. His roommates aren’t as used to it, and eventually he has to bribe them with the promise of a stop at Timmies to get moving.

Eventually they’re all ready and out the door, and Austin isn’t going to complain about the extra stop for coffee and donuts.

When they get there, they are split up almost immediately, everyone being instructed to line up in alphabetical order. Austin is between two people he doesn’t really know. He looks around. College will all be over in a few hours, and he’s not sure when, if ever, he’ll be back on campus. Nostalgia is a strange beast. There’s an assortment of campus personnel and volunteers milling around, making sure everyone is where they are supposed to be.

“Austin, congratulations on graduating.” Coach startles Austin out of his reverie.

“Hi, thank you,” Austin says politely.

That should be Coach's cue to move on to whoever the next person from the team is on his list to say goodbye to. But he doesn’t leave. “What ever happened with that scout who was asking about you? Are you going to be playing after graduation?”

“I’m flying down to California training camp in August for tryouts.”

“Good,” Coach says. “You’re a good player. I wish we could have had a better team for you.” Is Coach finally going to acknowledge all the shit that went down the past year? “Won some more games.”

Of course not. He’s talking about hockey. “Thank you,” Austin says again, shaking his head in the same vague disappointment that he should really be over by now. And then, fuck that, why does he care what Coach thinks? He’s never going to play for the SFU team again. “It’s true, you know, I’m dating Liam Williams.”

“I-" Coach starts to say, stuttering out, not sure what to say.

But Austin doesn’t want to hear it, whatever it is. He’s done with this place. “Good luck with next year’s team.”

“Good luck to you too,” Coach says, back on solid ground. And this time he takes the clear opportunity to end the conversation and continues on down the line of graduating seniors.

They get moving shortly thereafter, Austin proceeding on to get this thing over with.

———

Graduation is followed by a fancy dinner with Liam and Austin's family. The next morning, Austin wakes up early to see his family off for their drive back home.

Austin’s mom hugs him tight and holds on. Austin doesn’t know what he’s going to do if she cries. When she pulls back, she’s held back, eyes glassy but no tears falling. “I was so worried about you,” she says. “But look at you now.”

“Mom? What?”

“You were so unhappy, and then you called home and were suddenly gay, and dating this much older man, and I didn’t know what to make of it.”

“Mom,” Austin tries to interject.

But, she doesn’t let him. “No, Austin, listen to me. I didn’t need to worry. Liam is good for you.”

“He is,” Austin agrees. He had no idea his mom worried about it. They live so far away, and he didn’t want to bother her with his stupid problems. She never went to college, never moved to a big city, and he knows that it cost them a lot to send him. He didn’t want to seem ungrateful.

“I see that now,” she says. “You’re all grown up,” and finally one of those tears she’s been holding back falls.

“Mom, don’t cry,” Austin says.

“No,” she says, laughing and wiping at her eyes. “I have to be able to drive.”

“You can always let Vicky drive,” Austin says laughing.

That gets a laugh out of his mom. He’s heard the tales of woe from Vicky learning to drive. “No, no, I’m okay,” she says, hugging him again. “I love you.”

“Bye mom,” Austin says, hugging her back. “I love you too.”

———

Austin’s lease is up at the beginning of the summer. He’s not sure exactly where he’ll be next year yet. He packs up all his stuff and ships the stuff he definitely doesn’t need home to his parents’ house. The rest of it comes with him when he temporarily moves in with Liam and Lalita until he has to leave for training camp.

He picks up some extra shifts at the store, since he has the time and they fall into a comfortable routine. There’s training and work during the day, and coming home to Liam at night. They eat a lot of takeout in front of the TV when Lalita is around, and take every opportunity to play, or sometimes just fuck on the couch, when she’s not.

Austin didn’t really think this temporary living situation through because it doesn’t feel temporary. This feels like a life Austin could stay in. But time happens and before Austin knows it, he’s packing up the stuff that’s found its way into all the corners of Liam’s place.

The evening before Austin is set to leave, Liam tells Austin to meet him at Mischievous Pictures after hours, bring food. Austin picks up his favorite, from the burger place down the block. Liam took Austin there for one of their first dates, and the dry aged beef burger is the best. There’s a lot of things he’s going to miss when he’s gone.

Liam has the front part of studio one set up for a picnic when Austin arrives, a blanket spread on the floor, pillows to sit on, plates, glasses, napkins, the whole works, just waiting for Austin and the food.

He also has a rig set up in the back half of the room waiting for someone to be tied up to it, coils of rope sitting ready on the floor below it. They unpack their food and settle in for dinner but Austin can’t keep his eyes away from the setup.

Liam nudges Austin’s thigh with his foot, drawing Austin’s attention back to him the first time Liam catches Austin staring at it. But it’s there, calling to him. The second time Liam catches him being distracted, he isn’t nearly that subtle. Liam puts his hand on Austin’s chin and turns Austin’s head until he’s facing Liam again. “That’s two strikes,” Liam says and Austin realizes that the torture of waiting is all part of Liam’s plan..

Framed like that, Austin can be good for Liam, can pay attention. He scoots himself around so he’s sitting next to Liam, back to the distracting set-up. The food is good, and Liam is engaging, and Austin is going to miss all of this, not only what’s set up behind him. Austin pays attention, but he never forgets, something blinking just outside his field of vision, keeping him on edge.

Until finally, finally, calm as anything, Liam tells Austin “get up and strip.”

Austin scrambles to his feet, hurrying to comply. He pulls off his clothes, leaving them on a heap, before Liam stops him. “Slow down, fold those.” So Austin does.

Liam leads Austin over to the setup by a hand firm on the back of his neck. They get to the platform, taking a step up to get centered. “Kneel.” But Liam doesn’t wait for Austin to comply, already using the hand on his neck to push Austin down to his knees.

Liam takes Austin’s hands in his, putting them palm to palm in front of him, then lets go. Austin stays where Liam put him as Liam bends down to gets the rope. Austin watches as Liam wraps it around his wrists in sure, practiced movements, then brings Austin’s bound hands above his head, then up some more so that Austin can’t sit back on his heels, has to straighten his hips. Liam nudges Austin’s knees apart with his foot, and Austin didn’t think he could have any better posture, but he finds that he can still straighten his spine to keep his hands and knees where Liam wants them.

Once Liam is satisfied with where he has Austin, he ties the end of the rope binding Austin’s hands to the hooks in the rigging above his head.

“Okay?” Liam asks.

Austin wiggles his fingers and tugs. He’s not going anywhere. “Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes master.”

“Good.” Liam moves out of Austin’s field of vision, and Austin closes his eyes to keep himself from trying to figure out where Liam’s gone, what Liam’s doing. The question answers itself a second later when Liam touches Austin’s right ankle, hand firm and sure as he ties the rope around Austin’s ankle, and then to the back corner of the platform. Liam follows up with Austin’s other ankle, then coming around to wrap the rope around Austin’s thighs once at a time, tying them to the front corners of the platform, so that Austin can’t move back or forward, up or down, even though most of his body is completely unbound. Austin can take the harshest treatment Liam will give him, but he’s completely unmoored by the subtlest.

“Open your eyes.” Liam cups Austin’s check in his hand. Austin slowly blinks up to find Liam standing in front of him, filling his field of vision. Austin tries to sway forward into him, but the ropes hold him back. He turns his head, the only movement he can make, to nuzzle into Liam’s palm.

Liam lets him, running the fingers of his other hand gently through Austin’s hair. “You’re so pretty for me.” It’s as much to himself as it is to Austin, soft and teasing, until it’s not, Liam digging in his nails, scratching painfully into Austin’s scalp.

Austin gasps, and Liam shushes him. “We’ve got a lot more coming up. I don’t want to hear from you until you need to beg, okay?” Liam let’s go of Austin entirely, taking a step back.

Austin nods. He feels ready to beg already: the whole day has been foreplay, knowing Liam was setting something up for them, the whole dinner, having the setup right there teasing him. But if that’s not what Liam wants, Austin can wait. He’ll have to.

Liam steps back in, closer than he was before, all the way into Austin’s space, grabbing Austin’s head to rub it against his crotch. Liam is still fully dressed, the buttons of his button-fly jeans catching painfully on his lips, until Liam lets go, lets Austin’s head rest stationary on his hip. He moves his torture to Austin’s arms, fingers soft as they run along the delicate skin of the inside of his upper arms, the sort of light tickling thing that Austin wants to squirm away from because it’s too light, right up until Liam digs his nails in and it’s not. It’s a trail of fire burning its way down his arms. Liam digs his fingers into Austin’s armpits, and Austin tries to jerk out his grasp, an instinctual panic to protect himself from someone going after a pressure point.

Austin pulls hard on his wrists, struggling, and lets out a shriek. Liam lets go immediately, takes a step back. He reaches up to check on the bonds holding Austin’s wrists. “Shh, you’re okay,” he tells Austin.

And Austin feels stupid, because he is. The pain stopped as soon as Liam let go, nothing of the overwhelming, hurting pressure in his armpits lingers. He feels the sting of the lines Liam scratched into his arms, but that’s nothing. He can take more than this. He wants to apologize, beg forgiveness, but Liam keeps shushing him, and he wants to be good more than anything, so he stays quiet, lets Liam move around behind him.

Liam steps up against Austin’s back, boots planted in the space between Austin’s knees, denim-clad legs against Austin’s back. Liam unbuttons his fly, and lets his dick rub against the back of Austin’s head. Austin nods forward with the pressure, and Liam wraps a hand around the front of Austin’s throat to keep him in place. “That’s a good boy,” Liam says, gentling Austin as Austin takes it. Every thrust forward pushes Austin’s throat more firmly into Liam’s hand and Austin swallows harshly against the pressure.

“That’s enough of that.” Liam lets go of Austin’s throat and Austin gasps in deep breaths. If Liam hadn’t just been rubbing his erection on Austin, Austin wouldn’t be able to tell from Liam’s voice that he’s affected by this at all. “I want to see you,” Liam says, stepping over Austin’s legs to come back around in front of him.

Liam sits down cross-legged in front of Austin and watches. Austin is looking down at Liam, pulled up like he is. Liam surveys Austin’s body like a feast, scooting in close, Liam’s knees pressed to the front of Austin’s thighs, the soles of his boots pressed to the insides of Austin’s thighs.

And when Liam finally leans in, at first Austin thinks Liam is going to kiss him, and Austin strains his neck to try to meet him. But Liam bypasses Austin’s mouth, going for Austin’s collarbone. It starts with a kiss, wet and open mouthed on Austin’s skin. Then Liam sinks his teeth in, worrying at the skin between them, sucking a mark there. Liam moves to the other side to repeat the motion, his hands coming up to hold on to the back of Austin’s thighs, fingers digging into the crease below Austin’s ass as he sucks and bites marks across Austin’s chest.

Liam drags his nails down Austin’s back, bites at his nipple, digs his thumb into Austin’s bellybutton, constantly moving to leave marks of lingering pain all around Austin’s body. Austin loses track, barely noticing each new throbbing mark being made, too caught up cataloguing the previous ones. He doesn’t know how long Liam has been at this, a series of stops and starts, pain and pleasure, and all of it blurring together into Liam all over him. Austin’s body isn’t his own anymore. It’s a gift he’s given over to Liam. Now he’s Liam’s to do with what he wants. Liam wanted to make Austin beg, but they’ve leapfrogged right over that possibility, because Austin doesn’t want anything anymore. Or. He wants whatever Liam gives him, wants whatever Liam wants to take from him.

Which is why it’s shocking when Liam wraps a slick hand around Austin’s hard dick, stroking. Austin blinks back to awareness, looking down at what Liam’s doing. He could beg Liam to stop. He could beg Liam to keep going. What comes out is “please.”

Liam rubs two slick fingers of his other hand against Austin’s hole, and Austin’s hole flutters against them, ready to be filled. “Please,” Austin begs again: “please please please,” becomes a litany.

Liam slides his fingers in smooth and firm, going right for Austin’s prostate. This is going to be over right away if Liam keeps going like this, knowing every trick to set Austin off, and using them.

Liam also knows every one of Austin’s tells, and right before coming is an inevitability, Liam pulls his hands away.

“Fuck,” Austin spits out, desperation answering the question of what he wants. What he wants is to come. But Liam ignores Austin’s cursing and begging, running his hands gently up and down Austin’s thighs, until Austin has come back off the edge. And then Liam goes back to Austin’s dick, rubbing at the head, the other hand moving to fondle Austin’s balls.

Austin gets there faster this time, ready to come, still begging Liam to take him there. But again, at the very last moment, Liam pulls away. Liam repeats this pattern, milking Austin’s prostate, jerking him off, rubbing against his perineum, in the exact right way, and then pulling away, running his hands along Austin’s sides, mapping the space across his chest, gentling the trembling in Austin’s thighs. Each time it takes less and less to get Austin to the breaking point, longer and longer to pull him back from the edge.

Austin is covered in sweat and panting heavily, but nothing Austin does breaks Liam’s calm, controlled moves. Austin comes, crying out and shaking in his bonds, and even that doesn’t stop Liam, hands steady and sure as one continues to stroke Austin’s dick, the fingers of the other still in Austin’s ass, not letting up on his prostate.

It’s not enjoyable any more, the pleasure itself becoming painfully too much. Austin is oversensitive and squirming, trying to get away, but he doesn’t want it to be over. He wants to stop time, stay here with Liam forever.

Austin is trapped without a chance to come down, because one thing has changed about Liam’s ministrations. He’s no longer pulling back, gentling Austin down from the edge. He’s pushing and pushing and pushing until Austin’s body responds, cock getting hard even when the rest of Austin’s body screams for it to stop.

Austin can’t do anything to stop the tears from escaping. He’s shaking his head back and forth, a desperate no from the only motion he can make. Austin loses track of everything but holding on, making it through this even when he’s sure he can’t take another second. But Liam gets Austin there, the pressure building until Liam pulls another orgasm out of Austin, cum dribbling out of his spent body.

Austin comes back to himself to notice Liam’s hands skittering unsteadily on Austin’s thighs. Except it’s not Liam’s hands that are unsteady. It’s the muscles in Austin’s legs, twitching and trembling.

“I’m going to untie your legs first,” Liam says. “I don’t want you to collapse on them wrong when I let your arms out. Hold on for just another second.”

And that draws Austin’s attention to the pulling on his wrists from the weight on his body. He tightens his core, everything in him screams, and holding himself up eases some of the pressure on his wrists. Austin is vaguely aware of Liam moving around him, cutting the ropes holding Austin’s ankles and thighs to the platform. Liam nudges Austin’s legs closer together. He aches as it relieves the stretch in his shoulders.

Liam steps forward so that Austin’s upper body is pressed against his legs. “Lean against me when I release your arms,” Liam instructs, wrapping one of his arms against Austin’s outstretched ones “Ready?”

“Yes,” Austin takes a steadying breath. Liam cuts the rope holding Austin’s arms above his head, bringing them down in front of Austin slowly. Austin lets out a pained hiss as his stiff muscles move again. Liam keeps holding on, sitting down in front of Austin, letting Austin slump into him.

“I’ve got you.” Liam wraps his arms around Austin. Austin scoots forward into Liam’s warmth, in the cool chill of his drying sweat. “Whatever happens, I’ve got you. I’m not leaving you. I’ve got you right here and will be here if you need me.”

“I’m not leaving either,” Austin chokes out, he never wants to leave Liam. “I’m not, Master, I’m not leaving you.”

“Shh,” Liam strokes Austin’s back, letting Austin shake in his arms. He comforts Austin, reassures him. “You’re going to go make me proud.”

Eventually, Austin’s shakes slow, stop, and Liam asks, “You okay?”

“Yes, always with you,” but Austin knows what Liam is really asking, so Austin sits up straighter, rolls his shoulders, his neck, and says again, “yes, I’m fine.”

“Good,” Liam says. “Let me get the rest of that off of you.” And Austin holds still while Liam unwinds the rope from his limbs. He's freed from where he was tied to the platform, but ropes are still wrapped around his ankles, thighs, wrists still bound together.

Liam frees them one at a time, taking time to run his thumbs carefully over the red marks on Austin’s wrists. Liam rotates Austin’s hands, moving them back and forth, making sure Austin’s okay, and he is. Liam gets Austin bundled up, and lets Austin sit there useless, while Liam cleans up and puts his studio back in order. He likes watching Liam work. He is so good at this. Austin would trust Liam with anything. It’s not the naive trust of someone who doesn't know better that he had at the beginning. He trusts Liam with a lot more than just his body, he trusts Liam with his heart.

“Ready to go?” Liam asks.

“You didn’t come.”

“I want to fuck you at home, sound good?”

Austin’s probably going to fall asleep on the way home. But there’s something about the way that Liam says home that makes Austin shiver inside. “Yes, Master.”

———

Austin doesn’t cry when he says goodbye to Liam the next morning, but it’s a close thing. He takes a cab to the airport so that if he’s going to be a mess he can get over it at Liam’s apartment. He leaves everything there that doesn’t fit in his suitcase, everything he doesn’t need, and he plans to come back, so maybe he can start thinking of it as his home too.

AHL camp is equal parts thrilling and the most difficult thing he’s ever done in his life. He was proud of his conditioning, how much better than everyone else on the SFU team he was. But he’s coming to see that being the best in what he’s quickly learning is a second rate college team is a whole different thing from playing with those that are practically NHL caliber. Everyone is nice enough, polite and distant in the way that total strangers tend to be. He’d make more of an effort to get to know people if he wasn’t too busy collapsing into bed at the end of the night. He falls asleep to Liam on the phone two nights in a row before Liam puts an end to them trying to talk every night. He tells Austin, “It’s more important you get your sleep and take care of yourself.”

Austin wishes it were a shock when he’s cut, but honestly, he’s been struggling to keep up. Now that he knows what he’s aiming for, he knows he can do it, but he’s just not there yet.

There’s not enough time between the end of his time at AHL camp and when ECHL camp starts to go home, so he gets set up at the Quality Inn.

The first day in the locker room, Austin recognizes some of the other guys, nods hello to the familiar faces. Practice goes better too.

The next day, when Austin’s standing around waiting for his turn at the drill, one of the guys pokes him with their stick to get his attention. “Puett, right?”

Austin recognizes this guy from Stockton, a speedy right-wing. “Yeah, Martinez, right?”

“Yeah. You have a place to live yet?”

“No, I’m bunking in the Quality Inn for the moment.”

“Oh man, that place is a shithole,” Martinez says. Austin nods, because it is. “There’s an extra room with Johnson and me. Smith is up with the Heat this year. Come check it out if you’re interested.”

“Yes, definitely.” Austin’s pretty sure it’s not possible to have sex for as long as the room above his bedsprings has been squeaking, and he would know, so he can only assume the guests upstairs are going for some sort of longest bed-jumping world record.

“Cool, I’ve got a car, if you want to come back after today’s over. We’ll probably get dinner with some of the other guys.”

“I’m in.”

At the end of the day, Austin goes with Martinez and Johnson to see the place, a typical apartment of guys with a big screen TV and XBox set up in the living room. They hang out for a while, before joining some of the other guys from the team for dinner, and sitting in the back of Martinez’s car he watches the town pass by outside his window and thinks about how he lives here now.

———

Austin moves the not-very-much stuff he has into the third room with Johnson and Martinez before the end of training camp. Training camp rolls into the pre-season, and when Austin gets an assist in the first game he thinks it’s a sign of good things to come.

He goes out with his teammates whenever there’s a group going for burgers for out for drinks. He doesn’t know anyone else within a 1000 km radius, so this might not be saying much, but Austin would want to hang out with them even if he did. They’re all cool guys. Or well, they’re as much of a bunch of dicks as you would expect a group of hockey players to be, but so is Austin. They are a team in the way the SFU team never was. They can talk shit about each other, but outsiders better watch out. They have each other’s backs.

After another pre-season win they head out to the bar after to celebrate. At the end of the night, Austin and Martinez head back to their apartment. Johnson isn’t with them, having found a girl to go home with for the night. It’s the third bar night in a row where Johnson’s found a hook up.

“Oh, yeah, he’s a total whore,” Martinez says when Austin mentions it. “If you have friends from home come visit, you can totally offer them his bed. He’s willing to go home with anyone.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Austin says.

“What about you?” Martinez asks. “You got a girl back home, right?”

“What?” Austin asks.

“The phone calls,” Martinez says. “Every night your phone rings at the same time and you close the door to talk.”

“It’s just a friend from home,” Austin says.

“Yeah, a girlfriend.” Martinez says. “It’s cool if it is. You’re still come out drinking with us. J.Ro has a girlfriend and is such a pussy. He’s so whipped, he never comes out. And it’s not like he’s going home to get laid. His girlfriend is in Calgary.”

“I’m from Vancouver,” Austin says. And, “It’s complicated.” That’s not really a lie. And it’s definitely not a lie that he’s not talking to a girlfriend. And anyway, “what about you?”

“No girlfriend,” Martinez says. “I just have standards, unlike Johnson.”

———

Austin may have spoken too soon. Hockey isn’t going badly, they’re winning way more than they are losing, which is a new and refreshing change from SFU. And Austin still likes all the guys on the team. But he can’t get a fucking goal if his life depends on it. He’s on the phone with Liam (yes, at the same time as always, yes, behind closed doors), bitching about it for not the first time.

Liam breaks off Austin’s diatribe. “Do you want to sub for someone.”

“Yes, you.” Austin says. “I still haven’t worked out how to do that on my own here.” It’s just another thing to be frustrated about so he tries not to think about how long it’s been since he could go down for someone. All his frustration needs to be reserved for the game right now.

“I think I know a guy.”

“Of course you do,” Austin rolls his eyes even though Liam can’t see them on the other end of the phone. Liam knows everything and can do anything. Austin can’t do anything. “How do you know a guy in Glens Falls?”

“I don’t think he’s in Glens Falls, but he’s somewhere upstate New York. I met him in Vegas at the Expo. When do you have time? I’ll see if I can set something up.”

They just got back from a four-day road trip, for back-to-back home games before a break. “We actually have a few days off mid-next week. Maybe Wednesday if that works?”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Which is how Austin finds himself taking the two-hour bus ride down to Albany to meet Scott, Liam’s friend from Vegas. Austin got to the bus station early, claimed a seat, and tried to take up as much space as possible to keep anyone from wanting to sit next to him. Honestly, no one should, his leg bouncing in excess nervous energy would just piss a seat-mate off. He’s used to buses, but he’s too distracted to do anything but look out the window and worry.

Scott picks Austin up from the bus stop. He’s holding a sign with Austin’s name like from one of those movies, and Austin grins at it.

Austin introduces himself. “Hey, I’m Austin,” he says, offering his hand.

“Scott,” Scott says, taking Austin’s hand and pulling him into one of those back slapping bro hugs. Scott is taller than Austin was expecting, may even be taller than Austin himself, but lanky. He’s got big hipster glasses, and a disarmingly bright smile.

Austin is trying to decide if he’s attracted to him. He’s not bad looking, but he doesn’t look like he could put Austin in his place.

They chat in the car on the way back to Scott’s place, Austin pressing his knee hard against the car door to keep it from bouncing. Talking doesn’t help Austin decide either way. He’s nice, a grad student at Albany, is actually younger than Austin by a few months.

They get back to Scott’s place, and Scott leads them into the living-room. Scott takes a seat in the armchair, and Austin sits down on the couch across from him. “So,” he starts, “what are you looking for tonight?”

“What?”

“I always talk through a scene with a sub before I do anything. I don’t want to do anything you’re not going to enjoy or accidentally hit any of your triggers.” Scott has his hands resting loosely on the armrests of his chair, leaning forward, textbook open and nonthreatening.

Threaten me, Austin thinks, no chance you’ll do that. But what he says is “Didn’t Liam explain it to me when he asked you to do this?”

“Yes, but I want to hear from you too.”

“Just, whatever.” Austin shrugs, eyes downcast. Austin given up on trying to hide his nervous tics, wringing his hands in his lap and he pretends they are fascinating. He doesn’t know what he wants with Scott, but he knows he certainly doesn’t want to talk about it.

“Liam doesn’t actually let you get away with that, does he?”

Austin’s head snaps up. “Leave him out of this,” Austin spits out. If Liam were here he wouldn’t be at Scott’s stupid apartment. He’d already be on his knees where he belongs. Scott is no Liam. Scott isn’t even a Lindsey Lohan.

“Okay,” Scott says, hands up placatingly. “Sorry. Listen, if you’ve changed your mind, no hard feelings. You can hang out for the night. I’ve got a spare bedroom.”

Austin doesn’t know how to react to this type of misdirected kindness. When he doesn’t say anything, Scott must take that as confirmation because he gets up and says, “Okay, follow me.”

Austin does, getting up and following Scott to a small but functional guest room. “If you want dinner or anything, let me know. We can order something.” And then Scott, leaving Austin alone.

Austin paces back and forth. The room is really too small for it. Or maybe Austin is too tall for the room, it’s barely three paces there and back. Fuck. This was all a terrible idea. Austin is never going to score, too worked up and overthinking everything. And he can’t even be a good sub here, can’t let himself go if Liam isn’t there forcing him. He’s going to crawl back home a failure. He wants to punch something. If he put a hole in Scott’s wall, would Scott step up and punish him? Or is there nothing Austin could do to get what he wants?

Fuck it. Yes there is. Austin didn’t come all this way for nothing. He stomps back into the living room anger burning out all the nerves and embarrassment. “Tie me up and fuck me.”

Scott is still sitting in that stupid arm chair, reading a book now, but he stops and looks up at Austin’s outburst. “See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Scott says. Scott has no fucking idea.

But admitting he wants this to someone new is the hardest part. Scott marks his place in the book, setting it down gently and deliberately on the table next to him. When Scott gestures for Austin to sit down across from him, Austin goes. And this time when Scott asks him what he wants, Austin answers.

He learns there are things that Liam told Scott. One of them is that Liam wants to watch. Austin agrees immediately. When they are done negotiating, Scott asks Austin to stand and come to him. Austin complies immediately, so he isn’t expecting it when Scott shoots out of his chair to grab Austin’s wrist, pulling him forward with his full weight. Austin stumbles and lands hard on his knees, Scott sitting back on the chair he started in.

“That’s better.” Scott stands. “Stay there,” he says, “don’t turn around.” He hears Scott moving around behind him, but he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Scott takes pity on him and narrates his actions. “I’m setting up facetime with Liam.”

Austin was curious before, but now he’s desperate to turn around and see Liam. He doesn’t, no matter how much he wants to and eventually Scott says, “I’m going to get supplies. Get naked and be back on your knees by the time I get back. You,” to Liam, “don’t talk,” then to Austin, “you, don’t look.” And then he’s gone.

Austin could cheat and turn around. He doesn’t think Liam would tattle on him. But he doesn’t know how much time he has until Scott gets back, and he doesn’t want to be caught not ready. So, he scrambles to comply, stripping off his clothes, and leaving them in a pile on the couch. He kneels in front of the armchair, rests his hands on the top of his thighs.

But wait, is that how he was sitting before? He thinks about landing hard on the floor. His left wrist was trapped in Scott’s hand. He thinks he put out his right to catch himself. He puts that hand on the floor, but being hunched like that feels awkward, not right. He sticks his left hand out, to roughly mimic where Scott was holding it. That still doesn’t seem right. Maybe he was a little to the left?

He could ask Liam. He’d know. He’d help Austin get this right. But Liam can’t tell him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll put those where I want them,” Scott says from behind him. Austin’s not sure how long he’s been left in the living room moving this way and that, but he goes still at Scott’s words.

To start, has him hold his arms up and out of the way, while Scott wraps ropes around Austin’s chest, building a harness around Austin out of the ropes. It doesn’t hold him anywhere but in, the ropes pressing down on his chest when Austin breathes in deeply. His breath hitches with the feeling of _finally_.

Once Scott is satisfied with the chest harness, he moves on to Austin’s arms, twisting them behind Austin’s back, tying Austin’s forearms together, and then tying his arms to the ropes around his back. Austin gives them an experimental tug, but he knows he isn’t going anywhere.

Scott pushes Austin forward, and Austin goes with it, afraid to struggle and tip himself over without his hands to catch him, lets Scott lower him down so that his shoulders and head are resting on the ground, ass up in the air.

Part of him wants to fight it. Part of him always does. But this is finally, finally what he’s been missing here. Scott sits down in the chair front of Austin. “Now, this is a view,” he says.

Austin doesn’t need to be reminded of what he must look like. The weight of Scott and Liam’s eyes are already heavy on him. He’s not sure where exactly Liam’s camera is positioned, but from somewhere behind them, they must have a combined 360 view. They can see all of him. He wishes Scott had given him a task, something they could be watching him do. But he didn’t, so Austin focusses on taking deep, even breaths, and just being good at being looked at, like art.

He may be art, but here’s no ‘do not touch’ signs and at some point later, Scott starts touching him, running his hand down Austin’s neck and across his shoulders. Scott traces the lines of the rope across Austin’s back and around his arms, stroking the bare skin in between the rope.

He moves down Austin’s body slowly until Scott’s hand is exploring his ass, running his fingers over the entrance to Austin’s hole. Scott takes it slow and steady, one slick finger pushing in. Scott sticks to just that one for far too long, before adding a second, using so much lube that Austin is dripping with it already ready to take a dick, but Scott is determined to go slow, is going to kill him with this kindness. And Austin chokes on a laugh at that thought.

He doesn’t know how long it takes, Scott eventually adding a third finger, teasing at Austin’s rim with his pinky, and Austin thinks he’s going to die of frustration before he gets fucked, but eventually Scott pulls his fingers out, lines up his cock in its place and pushes in. It’s everything, the feeling of being full, of another person’s skin pressed against the skin of his arms, hands, back, between the ropes, where Scott is draped over him, finally, finally giving him what he wants.

But Austin thought that that too soon, because Scott wraps his arms around Austin and hauls his body up, so that Austin’s sitting back on Scott’s dick, Scott behind him on his haunches. “You want it? Go ahead and fuck yourself on me,” Scott instructs Austin. So Austin does.

Austin has no leverage, with his hands bound like this, but he lifts himself with his thighs, lets gravity pull him down hard. Scott wraps his arms around Austin to keep him up, trailing fingers sticky with lube against the skin of Austin’s chest and stomach between the bite of the ropes.

When the hand moving down Austin’s stomach wraps wet and slick around his dick, Austin comes without warning, mouth full, ass full, and mind finally, blissfully clear.

When he blinks back into himself, Scott has moved. He must have got up and returned, because Austin is wrapped in a blanket with a bottle of water sitting next to him, and Scott has his iPad. Liam is on it, and Austin realizes he’d forgotten Liam was watching.

“Hey, kiddo” Liam says. “You were so beautiful.” Austin opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. He fumbles for the water, throat parched. “I’ll talk to you in the morning, okay?” Liam continues. Austin nods, still too choked up to say anything. “I love you,” Liam finishes, ending the call.

Scott takes the iPad back, and Austin is finally able to get the damn water bottle open. He gulps it down, chugging the whole bottle. “Hey, come here,” Scott says, wrapping an arm around Austin, pulling him into his side. And Austin goes.

———

The next morning Scott puts him on a bus back to Glens Falls. Two nights later, at their next game, Austin scores his first goal.

The team goes out after the game to the same dive they always go to. Austin doesn’t really want to go with them. He wants to take advantage of everyone else being out to Skype Liam, get naked and have Liam talk him through jerking off, enjoying the lingering quiet in his head from subbing for Scott and the happiness from finally scoring a goal. But the goal makes it impossible for him to beg off.

Austin does the first round of shots offered to him, and nurses a beer through a conversation about their upcoming road trip with Allen and Plante, but he’s not feeling it. If he’s supposed to be celebrating he’d rather be home, or hell, down the block getting sesame chicken from the Chinese place, instead of his usual diet-plan approved order of beef and steamed broccoli.

“I’m going to get Chinese, I’ll be back,” Austin tells the table, getting up.

“I’ll come with you,” Martinez says, joining Austin as they make their way out of the bar.

“Where were you the other night?” Martinez asks, as they walk past a card shop, the bar and the Chinese place at opposite ends of this strip mall. “I thought you didn’t hook up,” Martinez says. He’s right that Austin never picks up when the team is out.

“Just out,” Austin says, trying to make the non-answer sound as boring as possible. He stares at the window of the shop their passing. It’s a nail salon, and Austin has no interest in it.

“Come on,” Martinez says. “You’re never just out. What about the ‘it’s complicated’ from home?”

“It’s open, I guess?” Austin shrugs. “It’s complicated.”

“Shit,” Martinez sounds impressed. “You definitely don’t need to be so quiet about a girlfriend that cool with you sleeping with other people. That’s like, the dream.”

“I told you, it’s not a girlfriend.” The last thing Austin wants is the rest of the team bothering him about his non-existent girlfriend.

“So what, a boyfriend?” Martinez chirps. Austin’s not sure what his face does, but he can tell it’s not good from the shock on Martinez’s face.“Oh shit, it is.”

Austin stops, glances around nervously, trying to figure out what he’s going to have to do to get out of this conversation, to keep this quiet. It’s pretty deserted at this end of the parking lot, dark except for the lights of the Chinese place. “Shut up,” he hisses.

“No, it’s cool,” Martinez says.

“No,” Austin says, panicky. He’s just getting used to having a team, having friends. He can’t lose them already. “You can’t tell anyone.”

Martinez puts his hands on Austin’s shoulders to stop him from nervously surveying the scene, makes Austin look at him. “I won’t tell anyone. It’s okay.”

“Okay?” Austin says.

“Yes, seriously, we’re cool.” Martinez says. “I won’t tell anyone. But you should.”

“No,” Austin says. He starts walking again. He has no interest in telling anyone about anything. But he’s curious. “You really think everyone would be okay with it?” The SFU team was awful.

But they were awful for a long time, not just that last semester when they knew. They were horrible when shit went down with Drew. Austin hung out with them because he was expected to. He could have shared a house with guys from the team, but chose not to. He knew long before things with Liam that the SFU team weren’t his friends, ot the way these guys already are.

“Yes.” Austin isn’t even sure he believes Martinez speaking on behalf of himself, let alone everyone else on the team. And then Martinez adds, “It would save me from answering all the diversity questions when anyone bothers to interview us.”

Austin laughs at that, releasing the panic tension. “Two Canadian boys play hockey, news at 11!”

“I told you, you’re cool,” Martinez says, laughing. Austin’s not sure how cool he is, but he’s going to try trusting him.

They’re reaching their destination and that’s when Austin’s phone rings. He glances down at it and turns red.

“Is that the boyfriend?” Martinez asks. “You can answer, I’ll order for you.”

“Okay, thanks.” Martinez goes inside.

Austin steps to the side, back to the door, and picks up his phone.

Liam says “congrats on the goal.” Austin has no idea how Liam always knows the details of his games. It’s not like they’re on TV.

“Thanks,” Austin says. Just hearing Liam’s voice reassures Austin, calms him down.

“You out with the team?”

“Yeah, we were at the bar, but Martinez and I ducked out for Chinese food.”

“If you’re busy we can talk later,” Liam says.

Austin glances in through the front window to where Martinez is ordering for them. He takes a deep breath, and says in one quick exhale. “He knows about us. That I have a boyfriend. Martinez.”

“You told him?” Liam asks.

“Sort of. It was an accident.” Austin wasn’t planning on telling anyone after what happened at SFU, and Liam knew that.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“Yeah. I think he’s okay with it,” Austin shrugs, even though Liam can’t see it. “I mean, he said he was. And that he wouldn’t tell anyone else.”

“Good,” Liam says. “So tell me about this goal.”

“How do you even know about it?”

“Twitter.” Liam tells him. That explains so much. “But there was no video, so walk me through it,” he prompts.

Austin does. They get caught up talking hockey. Eventually Martinez reemerges, handing Austin a carton and fork. “I got you the sesame chicken you always want to order. No complaining. You’re celebrating.”

Austin takes the food and nods at Martinez. Still on the phone, he tells Liam “I’ve got to go.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah,” Austin says trying to figure out how to juggle things so he can hold his phone, open the container, and start eating at the same time.

He must sound distracted, because Liam asks, “Everything okay?”

Austin answers, “Everything is great.”

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to make this fic about as realistic as the original book, which is to say mostly true with a little hand-wavey for fantasy and story purposes.
> 
> Definitely do not try that thing with the coffee cups at home. There's a reason cups have 'Caution: Contents is hot.' warnings on them.
> 
> SFU is a Division 2 school, so Austin is probably not as good of a hockey player as I’ve made him out to be in this fic (says the author who went to a snooty Division 1 hockey school). 
> 
> If the book took place while Luongo was still on the Canucks, the book took place prior to March 2014 (probably summer/fall of 2013). But the Stockton Heat and Adirondack Thunder didn’t move to their respective cities until 2015. I chose the Adirondack Thunder by looking at a map of where all the ECHL teams were located and picked Glens Falls because I was pretty sure I had been there before. Upon further investigation, I was wrong and have never been there, but I was already committed to sending Austin there. Please ignore this anachronism. 
> 
> OC and random names have largely been pulled from [this list of Canada’s most common last names](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_most_common_surnames_in_North_America#Canada), and have no relation to actual hockey players. I tried to pick the names where I couldn’t top-of-mind think of an NHLer with that name, but in what shouldn’t be a surprise to you, most of the most popular Canadian last names already belong to hockey players. 
> 
> That dildo bench in their first scene is a real thing, which can be seen in the following tumblr gif sets (NSFW):  
> <http://themercuryjones.tumblr.com/post/109171785451/elder-roberts-in-training>  
> <http://themercuryjones.tumblr.com/post/133774566836/elder-foster-earns-his-place-at-mormonboyz>  
> (It's probably not worth tracking down the porn these come from. I've done that, and it's hotter as gifs.)
> 
> Some more NSFW gif sets that served as inspiration include:  
> <http://punkcub.tumblr.com/post/132327182872>  
> <http://specialsexflake.tumblr.com/post/52516434836/daddysboypussy-sweaty-wrists-when-daddy>  
> <http://specialsexflake.tumblr.com/post/70186183699/monarch-beta-eviscerection-aww-is-this>  
> <http://punkcub.tumblr.com/post/133191173033>  
> <http://nightsex.tumblr.com/post/133805548646>  
> <http://robotlauren.tumblr.com/post/134307471269>
> 
> If you've found this through randomly browsing AO3 and are wondering what the characters look like, you can see character art of them here: <http://www.heidibelleau.com/2014/10/rear-entrance-video-character-art/>
> 
> If you've made it this far and enjoyed the fic, please leave a comment. I don't usually use these spaces to ask for them, but it's entirely possible I've just 24,000 words that will only ever be read by one person. At the very least, if you like m/m romance novels, hockey, and BDSM fic, we have similar tastes in reading materials and I'd love to hear what else you're reading. I'll even go first and rec [Training Season](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18781329-training-season), [For Real](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25376011-for-real), [Minnesota Christmas](https://www.goodreads.com/series/116719-minnesota-christmas) (especially Sleigh Ride), and all of [Sarina Bowen's](https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7737308.Sarina_Bowen) hockey romances.


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